- Anti Joke

united we sit, cause we're fat

Why did the car suddenly stop? It was at a redlight.

What did the cancer patient say after the little boy told him a funny joke? I'm dying

A fish finds that his fishbowl is on fire. He escapes the bowl only to realize he is equally screwed.

Why did the man take off all his clothes? He was going to take a shower.

Why did the mom go to jail? She committed infanticide. lol.

Hitler: I said PASS THE JUICE! not GAS THE JEWS!

Why were little Suzie's parents crying? Suzie was kidnapped by Al Qeada

Ask me if im a tree Are you a tree? No

Why can't Hellen Keller Drive? Because she's dead.

Penis.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Why the girl fell from the swing? cause she had no arms

What did santa claus say when he saw a girl standing on the corner? Ho Ho Ho... ;)

Parents: What do you want for your birthday? Boy: A yellow ping pong ball. 7th birthday P: What would you like for your birthday son? B: A yellow ping pong ball 13th birthday P: What would you like for you birthday son? B:A yellow ping pong ball. P:Hmm, fine. 17th birthday P: What would you like for your birthday son? B: A yellow ping pong ball. P: That's is I'm getting you a car! Day before 18th the boy drives into a bridge. He lies in his hospital bed and his parents are there. P: What would you like for you birthday tomorrow? B: A yellow ping pong ball. P: Fine. Why do you want these ping pong balls anyway? B: Because. And then he died.

Q: is this the krusty krab? A: No this is patrick!

#1 rule in arguments: if losing, start correcting their grammar

How many years old is Chuck Norris? The same amount of years that it has been since he was born.

Friends are like trees. They fall down when you hit them with an ax.

spongebob voice 25

I saw a woman get donkey punched in the middle of the street. Nero the clit collector: You know... What is it called when A donkey kinda lifts its front hoove and hits a woman? ...WHAT? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE STARVE TO DEATH BECAUSE OF YOUR COIN COLLECTION? YOUR STAMPS ARE MURDER! (or something) At least my uh... "Friends" survive... SOMETIIIIIIIIMEEEEEEEEES!!!!!!! ...And then I kill them.

A dentist, a librarian, a construction worker, a gynecologist, a zookeeper, a shoemaker, a terrorist, a politician, a cyclist, a truck driver, a kangaroo, a Mexican, a blonde, a Jewish black guy, a Honda Civic, a monkey, a penguin, an FBI agent, a stock broker, a president of a foreign country, a CEO of a very wealthy company regarding AIDS, a founder of one of top downloaded apps in the market, a chief executive, a cook, a waitress, a priest, a nun, a little boy, a fairy, a dinosaur, and a skeleton walks into a bar. There's no punchline.

Roses are red Voilets are blue I have a gun Get in the Van

What do you call a snake with no arms? Normal. What do you call an amphibian with no arms? A caecilian. What do you call a girl with no arms? A poor, poor soul that is unfortunate enough to have had an amputation when young. Now, she can't go in public without being stared at. She can't catch herself when she trips. She can't ride a bike, bake cookies for her family, or be a NASA astronaut like she always dreamed. She is the normal ASDF Movie character.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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