According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, you're actually a few million years late. That star is dead. Just like your dreams.

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A Priest, a Minister, and a Rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, a joke?"

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Q:What is a black guy running with an iPod in his hand? A: A person who enjoys to listen to music while running.

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this sentence will not monkey banana pie

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How do you fix America's national security issues? Nuke russia

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Q: Why did the man have no legs? A: He lost them when his humvee hit a roadside bomb during his last tour in Iraq.

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That didn't hurt.

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Parents: What do you want for your birthday? Boy: A yellow ping pong ball. 7th birthday P: What would you like for your birthday son? B: A yellow ping pong ball 13th birthday P: What would you like for you birthday son? B:A yellow ping pong ball. P:Hmm, fine. 17th birthday P: What would you like for your birthday son? B: A yellow ping pong ball. P: That's is I'm getting you a car! Day before 18th the boy drives into a bridge. He lies in his hospital bed and his parents are there. P: What would you like for you birthday tomorrow? B: A yellow ping pong ball. P: Fine. Why do you want these ping pong balls anyway? B: Because. And then he died.

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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What do you call a gay black man driving off a cliff? A fine example of the dangers of drink driving.

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Smart Blondes

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I hate when Harry Potter showers in my Potatoes....

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what colour is a frog green you idiot

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A catholic priest held a puppet show at a kindergarten. The children were a very polite audience and the event was considered a great success.

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how much is a microwave full of dead babies? a fridge full of dead puppies.

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#1 rule in arguments: if losing, start correcting their grammar

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roses are red violets are blue i took your cup to the bathroom ...thats not really apple juice:)

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whats the difference between a joke and the holocaust? ...There both funny..Exept for the Holocaust.

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Why couldn't the pirate boy see the movie? He was blind.

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What did the cat say to the dog? "Meow."

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A moose walks into a corner store and asks the lady where the Mashed potatoes are. The lady working behind the corner says "Down Aisle five..." The moose goes down aisle five and there are no Mashed Potatoes. -Tyler the Creator

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Why did Sam have no friends? Because he was dead.

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helen keller's dad put a plunger in the toilet and left it there. helen then went to use the bathroom....

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68 :)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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