How do you torture Helen Keller? Leave the plunger in her toilet with the handle greased.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a black person? Black people are good at running.

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Yo mama so fat,we are all very concerned for her health.

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How do you fit 100 babies into a bucket? With a blender. How do you get them out again? With Doritos.

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How do you kill a dinosaur? You don't. It's already dead.

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What do you call a man with three arms and three legs and no nose. A highly unlikely instance that no one would believe is real.

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Adolf Hitler was a humanitarian.

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How many jews can you fit in a car? That depends on the volume of the car and the size of the people involved - different cars are of different sizes and can fit a different number of people. For instance, you could probably fit more than 20 midget jews in a van but you could probably not fit as many overweight jews in a coupé. However if you put some effort into getting as many standard sized people, in this case jews for reasons unknown, into a standard size sedan you should be able to fit about seven or eight in the car itself and one in the trunk, making a total of nine or ten.

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I always tell people " I have the heart of a child! " Then I continue "It's in a jar on my desk"

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Why did the man drink water? Because he was thirsty

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-Knock Knock -Whos there? -The police -OH SHIT

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What is a question?

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what does the doctor say to the patient. you have cancer

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Whatsthe best way to kill a blonde? Tell her theres a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

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While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it noticed that there may be foodstuffs on other side.

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Is this the Krusty Krab? No, the Krusty Krab is a fictional place, and therefore does not exist.

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A man walks into a bar. He asks the bartender for a glass of milk. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve milk here.

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What's long, hard, and full of semen? a penis.

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Why couldn't the 10 year old see the Pirate Movie? Because he was dead...

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Why couldn't the women drive? She was dead

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Whats funny about ISIS? Nothing, you asshole, its terrifying.

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Q: What kills millions of people each year and sneaks up behind you unexpectedly? A: HIV/AIDS

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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