How do you drown a blonde? From her infancy, instill in her a dread of the water. Keep her away from baths and showers, protect her from pools, and as the child grows, regale her nightly with terrible stories about the cruelty of the sea. When she has matured past 18, take her out to the middle of a lake on a boat and push her in.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

How do you put an elephant in the refrigerator? Open the door and let him in. How do you put a giraffe in the refrigerator? Open the door and let the elephant out then give the giraffe a reasonable amount of time to enter.

thumb_up thumb_down +64

What do you call a Russian civil war? A war in which one side wants to seced from the other.

thumb_up thumb_down +64

What did the peanut butter say to the jelly?

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Why couldn't the woman go grocery shopping? She was paralyzed from the neck down.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

what did the duck say to the dog. quack

thumb_up thumb_down +48

What did one rock say to the other rock? Nothing, rocks are inanimate objects, therefore rendering them unable to participate in the activity of speech.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

your mamas so fat she falls out f both sides of the bed

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Chocolate tastes good.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

What did Bobby get for Christmas? Nothing, Bobby is an orphan and has no friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Black Poeple

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Chuck Norris is a normal man.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

A Jew, a Muslim, and a Christian walk into a bar, they then sit down and discuss the various political factors driving a wedge between unity, peace, harmony and understaning between their religions. They resolve that despite the differences in religious belief, essentially they are all the same, and want happy existences with family and friends, and that equality and peace between religions should be a prime focus of religious institutions and governments. They then band together to criticize aetheists, who present a much more probable explanation for why the Universe is the way it is. An eavesdropper then mulls over the idea that the various religions represented behind him are willing to debate philosophical standpoints, so long as their monotheistic beliefs are not contradicted.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

A boy and a girl are playing catch. Why did the girl drop the ball? She had no arms. So why did the boy throw her the ball if she had no arms? Cause he's a Dipshit

thumb_up thumb_down +42

What did the little boy find when he came home from school? His mother hanging from a tree.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Whats the difference between your mother and a mallard with a cold? There are far to many differences between humans and birds to consider for this question. A small list might include wings, feathers, and mating habits to name a few.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

A dog walks into a bar. The bartender asks the dog "what will ya have?" The bartender is then recognized as The Dog Whisperer

thumb_up thumb_down +42

What runs faster than a dead baby? Almost everything.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Why is one side of a geese formation heading south always longer than the other? It has more geese

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Why did the man fall over screaming? Because he got shot in the leg

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What's the only part of a vegetable that you can't eat??? His wheelchair

thumb_up thumb_down +40

'Hey do you know a joke?' 'No' 'Me too'

thumb_up thumb_down +40

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

whats the best thing about fukkin twentyone year olds...theres twenty of them

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops