- Anti Joke

A man walks into a bar, he purchases a drink from the barman proceeds to finish the drink and then leaves.

What's old, silver, and smells like old cheese? A fork with old cheese on it.

Run, Run, As fast as you can, You can't catch me, I'm in a car.

Why did Prius driver go to jail? Because he ran over someone and then fled the scene of the crime (at 11 mph)

What's sad about a pile of dead people? They didn't have life insurance.

How do you kill a blonde? Kick her off a cliff.

Why was Joseph Kony at a primary school ? It was 3 o'clock and his children had just finished a long hard day learning to read and right and it was his turn to pick them up after him and misses Kony developed a schedule one late night after the odd glass of wine or two.

jimmy walked into a bar, then walked out crying and all desperate seeing his wife cheating on him with another guy sitting in the bar. he jumped in front of a bus and was taken to the hospital. He died due serious injuries. Turns out that it wasn't his wife but her twin sister that neither jimmy nor his wife was aware of her existence.

What did the 3 month old puppy get for Valentines day? Heart Worms. What'd he get for Christmas? Put down.

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I remember my first beer. It did not taste good to me at the time.

Why do ducks have flat feet? To stomp out forest fires Why do elephants have flat feet? To stomp out flaming ducks

Jerry Sandusky and two other men are on a cruise ship, when it suddenly starts to sink. The first man says, "save the children!" The second man says, "screw the children!" Jerry Sandusky drowned.

in a car crash an entire family is killed from death until they all die

A man walks into a bar and says ouch.

An Ethiopian fell into an alligator infested river. He ate 7 of them before he got out.

How do you get a baby in a bowl? You put it in.

Q. What do you get if you cross a suspicious person with a paranoid person? A. Who wants to know

Whats white, fat, and looks like a horse? An albino horse who apparently has a high chance of diabetes.

There's a football player who walks into a bar and sees a gay guy. The gay guy says, "So you're a football player, right?" The football player says, "Yes." The gay guy says, "I have a game of football myself. It's called fart football. It's where you drink a mug of beer in less than five seconds and then you drop your pants and fart for the extra point." The gay guy goes first. He drinks the mug of beer in less than five seconds and farts. The football player goes. He drinks the mug of beer in less than five seconds then he drops his pants and before he farts, the gay guy says, "BLOCK THAT KICK! BLOCK THAT KICK!"

In the middle of english class, Little Timmy raised his hand and asked "Can I use the restroom" The english teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Little Timmy said "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?

I'm on the seafood diet, a large proportion of my daily food intake consists of fish.

im trying to thing of a good joke...oh wait i got one but only one... ok ready?...oh wait...i forgot it again

How many dead babies can you fit in an oven? Depends on if you put them in the blender first.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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