I'm not saying your mom's ugly, but I like pancakes.

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Do you know how to save a drowning laywer? Approach with caution as drowing victims can panic, thus pushing you under. If possible throw a floatation device rather than go in yourself, or hold out a stick and instruct them to grab one end while you pull them in with the other. If necessary perform CPR. Call an ambulance and monitor for hypothermia.

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What's worse than being forced to drink your own urine and eat a disabled kids poop? James Holmes (Ironic that the text I had to type in to post this was "I'M BATMAN".)

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Why was little Jimmy sad? Because his mum died.

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how many jews can you fit in a car? 2 in the front and 3 in the back depending on how many people decide to go

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Guy 1: What the shit is that car? Guy 2: Its not a car. It's an alfa romeo

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what do you call a blind man who buys a caller i.d.? handicapped

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a gay guy is in a club, from across the room he sees another attractive man with now shirt and he gets an erection.

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Chuck Norris once jumped off of a 9 story building. He broke half of the bones in his body because he is 71 years old.

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When is a car not a car? When it's scrapped and turned into license plates.

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A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar and the bartender says: "Where would you like to sit, gentlemen"?

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs? Unfortunate

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Robin, get in the car.

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Why does it take more than one squirrel to change a light bulb Why? Because they're so darn stupid

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Whats grosser than a bloody hand? 2 bloody hands.

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Why did the 16 year old black kid drop out of high school? He started a successful small business selling mixtapes.

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A horse walks into a bar and asks the bartender "why the long face?" The bartender replies "this is the fourth time this week a horse walked into my bar and every time it happened i have to clean up a bunch of horse pooh!"

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It was a beautiful day, John was driving in his car down the street, Kameron was riding his bike preparing for a bike race the following day, and Griffin was having his 7th birthday party. John ran over Kameron and Griffin, he killed Griffin and broke Kameron's legs to where he could never stand/ride again

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there are three girls one said daddy why is my name rose because a rose fell on her head when yur a baby. daddy why is my name feather because a feather fell on your head when your a baby mumamhama, SHUT UP CINDER BLOCK!

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A priest and a small child enter a bar. The bartender takes his son back from the priest, paying him $30 for his exemplary babysitting services.

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Women's Rights

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What's worse than an arrow to the knee? -A bullet in the head.

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Q:What happens when you choke a smurf? A: Nothing because smurfs dont exist

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what do you call ten white people on a bench ten white people sitting on a bench, possibly eating their lunch

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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