Two muffins are in an oven. After a set period of time, they finish baking and are enjoyed by the family who had made them. Two weeks later the eldest daughter contracts syphilis thanks to numerous sexual partners. She soon dies leaving her parents and brother depressed. Her brother is kidnapped by a viscous child predator and the mother commits suicide. The father gets a job with the New York Yankees. He is eaten by a genetically modified zebra.

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What's the difference between a blonde and a carrot? One's a human, the other's a vegetable.

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“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

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What are the similarites between Autistic people and dead people? They are both very poor in social situations

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Why did the pregnant Mexican cross the border? Nobody knows. She was shot down on site.

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so today, i was walking along, and i noticed that it was sunny outside.

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How do you knock up a Catholic girl? Put your penis into her vagina without wearing a condom.

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What succeeds most of the time? The population of a field with grass.

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Why did the man die after getting his picture taken The camera was a gun

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What did the jew say to hitler? SURPRISE!! IM YOUR NEW DADDY

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Why was the wife laying on the ground crying? Because she wasn't in the kitchen making a sandwich for her husband

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Q. what happend to the guy who walked by an alley in new york? A. he got beat up by a robber wich took hes money, cellphone, keys and his abillity to walk.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, i thought violets were violet. hmph.

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knock knock whose there? you have AIDS

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Why did the cat fall out of the tree? Cause the branch broke. Why did the baby fall out of the tree?Cause it was stapled to the cat.

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Whats worse than the Holocaust? Jews

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What do you call a penguin sliding down a hill how should i know.

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A: Knock knock. B: Come in. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ?cash(p)

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What did the korean say to the other korean. I don't know i dont speak korean.

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A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!", the mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"

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Jake pulled out a gun and held it to his head, planning to fool his friends because he knew the gun was empty. Then his friend thought he was helping out his suicidal friend by stabbing him.

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks "Why the long face?". The horse being a horse and doesnt understand english is confused and scared by its surroundings it gallops away knocking over a few tables.

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your mom is so fat, that your father is no longer attracted to her and it is tearing your family apart.

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks: dude, what happened to your eye? The man replies: abuse.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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