A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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why did miles cross the road? Because hes gay

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once there was an anti-joke. it wasn't well thought out or even very creative. what happened to the anti-joke's premise? it got undermined or reversed in the punchline. but the punchline was way too straightforward. so, the whole joke really ended up sucking.

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Whats the difference between eating an egg and an abortion? Think about it.

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Chuck Norris walks up to a baby and punches it in the face He walks away and laughs

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i was quite upset when my girlfriend called me a peodifile, what does she know, shes only 6.

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Roses are grey. Violets are a different shade of grey. Let's go chase cars. -Dog

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Why was the little boy crying? Because there was a hair in his burrito

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Why did the scientist go to the hospital? because he was experimenting with dangerous chemicals, and they exploded in his unsuspecting face. He doesn't have skin now.

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Why did the baby cross the road? he was taped to the chicken

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Yo mama's chest is so flat that it's because she has stage five breast cancer and had to get both her breasts removed.

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What is long, hard, cries a lot, and can't fall down a man-hole? A baby with a javelin through its neck.

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I make it rain on them hoes, By which I mean I masterbate from my third story patio

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What do you call a Black man with a gun ?? A black man with a gun !

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How do you stop a black man from running? You shoot his knee caps.

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Two guys walk into a bar together. They are diagnosed with a concussion and later on in life have serious brain issues

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CJISTHEBEST Sticks and stones may break my bones because i have osteoperosis.

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Three men stumble upon an ancient lamp in the desert. They sell it to a museum and split the profit evenly.

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: (sigh) Did what hurt? Boy: When you broke through the Earth's crust emerging from hell.

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There was a black guy and a blonde crossing the street. They are not related.

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Why did sally fall off the swing? Because her grandfather hit her with a wrench.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Blanket Blanket who? Blanket, son of deceased recording artist Michael Jackson. Ever since his father died there has been so much stress in the family that he could not handle it. He ran away and is now seeking shelter and grief council.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The Gestapo.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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