What did the helicopter say? Aluminum-minum-minum-minum-minum-mum-mum-mum-mum-um-um-um-um

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How do you poop without it splashing? clench clench, release, clench clench, release, clench, release, clench, release.

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Why was the boy crying? His mother has terminal cancer, and his father does not have the financial stability to cover the cost of the surgery and keep up on house payments and buying clothes and food for the children. He will be living in a foster home in a matter of a week.

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a charmander decided to take a swim a.w. j.p.

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What does a weasel and a naked college girl have in common? No clothes

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L.A Clippers 2000-2012 season!!!!

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Your mom is soo fat that when God said "let there be light" he had to ask her to move

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Half a worm... What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? Being Gang-raped!

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Why didn't the man get into Harvard? Because he had bad grades

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What is Sally's favorite flavor ice cream? She can't eat ice cream, she's lacktose and tollerant.

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My name is Jacob Mckeand and my penis is as long as Mr. Macs hair.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

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What's eighteen inches long, stiff, and makes women scream at night? A twelve inch long penis that is erect, thus adding approximately one half of its flaccid size, and involved in the act of fornication with the female partner of the man whose penis I am describing. (Of course, it is ignorant and juvenile to assume that the man in question is heterosexual. He may be a homosexual, which is perfectly acceptable in these liberal times we live in, or he may in fact be single and not inclined towards a sexual preference of any kind. This is understandable due to the myriad complications of long-term relationships, a result of the infinite differences between the masculine and feminine psyches.)

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What did the doctor say to his wife? We have grown apart over the years, I want a divorce.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because chad makes babies cry.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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What's worse than having to listen a song from Justin Bieber? Being wrongfully convicted of child molestation,rape and murder and spending 50 years in prison before being acquited by DNA-analysis.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was walking.

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why did the mexican work for a lawn care service I don't know why don't you ask him

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What is the difference between a jew and a boyscout? A boyscout comes back from camp.

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I wrote a funny joke.

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Why did the elephant get on the roof? To jump in the pool.

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What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can't drown babies in roast beef.

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Q: Suzy loves apples, she will do anything to get her hands on an apple. Why didn't she eat Tom's apple? A: She ate someone elses apple and then he killed her before she could get to tom's!!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops