Can you get me a stapler,but make sure it has staples or else I won't be able to staple anything

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why couldn't the Muslim eat pork? He didn't have a tongue.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

knock knock who's there boo boo who why are you crying it's just a joke

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas? A pogo stick. Just kidding. Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Q: How do you confuse a blond A: You don't they are born that way

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the duck say to the pickle? Quack

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How do you rape someone? No, its a question. I don't know the best way to go about this.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf or bread. why did the plane fall apart in mid air? The engineer was a loaf of bread Why didn't the plane take off? because it was delayed.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Your gay

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did Abraham Lincoln fall asleep at the movie? He was shot several times in the back of the head.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Q: What the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies A: I don't have a Porsche in my garage

thumb_up thumb_down +11

why was the boy sad he had a frog stapled to his face

thumb_up thumb_down +11

what did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? Cancer what did he get the next year? Nothing he didn't make it that long.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Yo mama is so fat that her doctor advised her to get some exercise or risk developing a heart condition!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How do you get Vladamir Putin to smile? You tickle him.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Jim: You wanna hear a funny joke? Tim: Sure Jim: Well, if you want a funny joke, this isn't the place to be.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

knock knock who's there Bob I don't know you Bob and if you don't get off my porch this minute i'm calling the authorities.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the woman say ow? She was shot in the foot

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What do you get when you mix Jabba the Hut with a hen? nothing, genetically they are unable to reproduce due to the disproportionate number of chromosomes and DNA

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Q: Why did princess Diana crops the road? A: Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Uh, Liz, he is staring at the screen... He says you are right and knows, so he cant get mad, ill trust you both, but it better work, or this one is on me. Oh by the way, yeah he is eating, sorry its late here, and I am the only nurse here about now Ironically this place is full of doctors but they dont seem to give a crap about the man that pays their checks. Doctors said no, Nero said "you are fired" Doctor changes his opinion, glad to see he is taking charge around here, I am just worried about his sleep, he is beginning to halucinate and I doubt any stimulants will help. But fine, ill trust you, sorry, really shaking my boots here, I really do not want to, but this is not about me.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but orange gourds. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How do you get a black man out of a tree? You help him down.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the Mexican sneak across the US border? There aren't many good jobs for him in Mexico, and with the cost of living in his small village, he will be able to provide for his entire family of seven on just minimum wage in California. He will miss his family terribly while he is away from them, but he believes it is worth it in the end. Once he saves enough, he will pay the coyotes to smuggle the rest of his family over so they can be together again. Hopefully none of them will die on the journey.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops