I man walks into a bar. He orders a drink, takes around 13.5 minutes to drink it, then walks out. It takes him 10.7 minutes to walk home, 2.8 minutes less than he spent in the bar. When he is home, he decides to have a bath. 7.8 minutes into bathing, a radio plugged into an outlet near his tub falls into the water with him and he is killed. 29 miles away a woman sneezes twice.

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what did the woman say? 'duhhh, i don't have a penis durr durr' (By the way, I'm trying to be not misogynistic, please let me know if you find this misogynistic in any way)

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Yo Mama is so fat that she should probably make an appointment with a bariatric surgeon.

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Knock knock Who's there? Dave, I've got a fucking gun. Let me the fuck in.

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Why did the catfish cross the road? Catfish can't walk.

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Who is stupid and no one likes him. Me. :(

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He got hit in the head with a brick.

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A fat man walks into a gym, and comes out fatter

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When is the only time you see a Mexican and Black person driving together ? When they feel like it .

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roses are red, violets are blue, if you want to success, stop being a mess..

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a duck wanted grapes. he didnt get any

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That awkward moment when you get in the van and there's no candy.

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Hey i just met you, and this is crazy, i have amnesia, i'm Skepta

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Why do bats fly in circles? They're mentally retarded.

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what do you call a cat that cant meow? Charlie Sheen.

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What's fatter than your mum? Your mum's mum

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Two men stay at the bar all night drinking non stop. They soon are rushed to the hospital to get their stomachs pumped.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? I hit her with a shovel.

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Why can't you lie to atoms? Because they make up everything!

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what's the difference between an abortion clinic and my basement? there are more dead fetuses in my basement

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What's the difference between an elephant & a toaster? ....you can't tell the difference between an elephant & a toaster??

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Whats brown and a fag? A bundle of sticks

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Knock knock, COME IN!

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Jolly Rancher the particle beam is in the alpha quadrant and we are good to go.Please confirm receipt of this communique. Cell Leader Iqbal

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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