A man walks into a bar. He goes up to the Bar Tender and says, "Hit me with all you got!" The bar tender then ducks down under the bar out of sight. He comes back up with a sledge hammer and viciously murders the man. Blood spews everywhere and many others are brutally murdered shortly afterwards. :)

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What was Helen Keller's favorite activity? fingering herself...

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A depressed horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse says, "Millions of years of natural selection." The horse then tries to drink away his sorrows, but the alcohol is only a temporary release from the pain he's feeling. He kills himself the next day.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

At his sentencing, a judge tells a convicted murderer that he will be hanged at noon on one weekday in the following week but that the execution will be a surprise to the prisoner. He will not know the day of the hanging until the executioner knocks on his cell door at noon that day. Having reflected on his sentence, the prisoner draws the conclusion that he will survive the hanging. His reasoning is in several parts. He begins by concluding that the "surprise hanging" can't be on Friday, because if he hasn't been hanged by Thursday, there is only one day left - and so it won't be a surprise if he's hanged on Friday. Since the judge's sentence stipulated that the hanging would be a surprise to him, he concludes it cannot occur on Friday. He then reasons that the surprise hanging cannot be on Thursday either, because Friday has already been eliminated and if he hasn't been hanged by Wednesday night, the hanging must occur on Thursday, making a Thursday hanging not a surprise either. By similar reasoning he concludes that the hanging can also not occur on Wednesday, Tuesday or Monday. Joyfully he goes to his cell confident that he has been spared from the hanging. The next week, the executioner knocks on the prisoner's door at noon on Wednesday and prisoner is completely surprised!

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A black guy, a white guy, a Jew, and a priest are on plane that is on fire. What do they do? Call their family and tell them they lovedthem, because there are more than likely going to die.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why was Timmy so unpopular at school? Because he caught aids of his pet rock

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock, knock Who's there Not Sarah

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Want to here a joke? Me to...

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the small child cry? He was forced to dig his own grave at gunpoint.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Q:what is the most annoying word that means nothing? A:every word has a meaning your question is invalid. ~Phish <3

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What did the blind man say when you asked hi his favorite color? Nothing he is death too

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Q:How can you tell an asian has just robbed your home? A: You took the necessary precautions to purchase a very high quality security system and you caught the whole thing on tape, and the man was arrested.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: You tell her an anti joke

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the other Albino cross the road? He was running away from a witch doctor who was going to brutally murder him and steal his body parts.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

How does God choose who goes to heaven? I'm just kidding, there's no God.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Your mother is so stupid because as a child, she was unable to keep up with what was being taught as she unfortunately had a learning disability.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

why was the water bottle empty? because bob drank it. stupid bob...

thumb_up thumb_down -4

How do you make a clown sad? Brutally murder his children.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What's brown and seven feet tall? A door

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A white man/women works behing the counter at a 7/11

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Hickory Dickory Dock My dog died today.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

why do you park in the driveway and drive on the park way

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Fact: When you die, you can't eat ice cream!

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Q:What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? A: Getting raped by a giant scorpion

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops