how do you make a plumber sad? tell him to pull up his pants

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A blind man walks into a bar. Nobody is surprised.

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Have you ever tripped over a leaf? No. Neither have I.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get hit by a car because he was depressed and contemplating suicide.

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An Irishman walks into a club. "Ow, that was almost as painful as that time I walked into a bar."

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hey guess what? what ur gay! how did you know ive been in the closet for 5 years!?

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Why did Little Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was an animal with a small brain and could not comprehend the situation.

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Why did Shrek eat the onions? Anyone who has seen the Shrek films would know that Shrek never mentions anything about eating onions. In the first movie, Shrek and donkey have a conversation in which he compares himself to an onion, but the scene lasts maybe a minute and never again does Shrek mention onions in any way, shape, or form. For whatever reason, this one scene has turned onions into the strongest signature icon associated with Shrek.

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What did the Amazonian tribesman say to the European explorer? Nothing, he was focussing on eating him.

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a black guy a mexican guy and a puerto rican guy are driving together in a car whos driving? Whoevers car it is.

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Roses are red Violets are actually the color violet, contrary to popular belief.

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what's funnier than a dead baby nailed to a tree? Pretty much anything because infant mortality is in no way funny

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What did the average man say the the bird? HOODINI

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Knock Knock. Doors open

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Knock Knock I have a door bell It's broken Oh

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How do you make a blond cry? You punch her in the face.

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What do you call a black man carrying a T.V? Someone that is helping me move.

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Q: What do you get when you cross Rebecca Black and a day of the week. A: a stupid song called FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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a horse walks into a bar, the bartender says "why the long face?", the horse incapable of understanding the English language promptly shits on the floor and eats a bar stool.

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roses are red violets are blue I suck at poetry time for lunch :D

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What did the grizzly bears have for lunch? Fish and tourists.

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THAT'S RIGHT, BEST INVISIBLE PAINT I EVER BOUGHT. LOOK WHAT A GREAT JOB IT DID ON THIS PAGE YEAH! I RECKON IT IS THE BEST INVISIBLE PAINT I EVER DIDN'T SEE

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How do you get a bunch of Jews in a car? You tell this family who happens to be of Jewish faith that they are going to be late for the birth of another family member's child. How do you get them out? Tell the mother had a miscarriage. This will make them promptly want to leave the care and grieve with the other family members for the lost child.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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