Why did the cow cross the road? Cause he had madcow disease

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a human profession, and the other is a type of fish.

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? She was too tired and was afraid that if she got behind the wheel it might cause her to fall asleep at the wheel which would result in an accident.

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David walks into a bar. Someone shoots him. Now hes dead.

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What did rangler get on anti joke? Thumbs down.

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What do you say if you wake up and see your television floating around at night? Say,"I should probably get to sleep. This is probably an effect of sleep deprivation."

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Why did the blond woman throw a clock out the window? She was going through a bitter divorce, and didn't want her ex-husband's things in her house anymore.

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I farted and it smells like rotten ham with melted cottage cheese now dislike this please.

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A Jew walks into a bar. It's a bar full of Neo-Nazis.

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Once there was a giant Pringle. His family was dead, his wife committed suicide. So one day he was walking to work, when he met a genie! The genie granted him three wishes. The Pringle's first wish was to have lots of money. His second wish was to have his wife back. Before he could complete his wishing, he awoke in a hospital where he was hooked up to life support and was in severe pain. His wife wasn't really dead, but he was out drinking and accidentally walked across a motorway and got hit by a huge lorry.

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why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead

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In the attic lights Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Lights, voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic

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Why did Sara fall off the swing? Because she had no arms... Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sara.

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Why did Susie fall off the swingset? Because she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One's fun to smash with a hammer and the other one is a watermelon.

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a black man walks into a shop, he buys his groceries, then leaves...

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How does micheal Jackson know when it's bed time? When the big hand touches the little hand.

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Two muffins are sitting in a oven, The other muffin says to the other muffin nothing, Because muffins are unable of human conversation.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Tulips are white and Pansies are pink.

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Why is travis so funny? Trick question, He died of cancer 3 years ago.

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What did the man get on his birthday the week before he died? Obamacare

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why did the man shave his balls cause they were unnecessarily hairy

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What's green and fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree, it'll kill you? A pool table.

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My life has been getting worse and worse since I developed cancer.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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