What is Mary short for? She has no legs.

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What is small, red, and can't fit through a doorway? A baby with a spear through its head. Posted By: Lram

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Why did Carl the cat die? he didnt. he's still alive.

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Knock knock. USE THE DOORBELL!

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Q: What did the fish say when it swam into a concrete wall? A: Fish don't have vocal cords that allow them to speak in a way discernable by humans, and if they did, it would just sound garbled and bubbly due to their being underwater.

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Wanna hear a joke? no

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Just checked my Tesco burgers in the fridge and they're still within the use by date.

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a girl had just gotten dumped by her boyfriend over a text message. she got very sad and became suicidal

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If a tree falls on a woman and there is no one around to hear it, she was probably lonely.

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"Would you like to see our stool samples?" asked the salesman. 10 minutes later, I left with 3 new bar stools.

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Have you heard about the hipster paleontologist? He liked dinosaurs better when they were underground.

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Robin, get in the Batmobile.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it got hit by a truck.

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Why did the jew save his money? Because his wife has cancer and the radiation treatments are very expensive.

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How many lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb? One. But after she does this, se will probably have sex with another woman

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alert("Hello");

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Question: What is worse then a worm in your apple? Answer: A number of different things I would imagine...

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I don't get it

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hey chris what yu doing wit my back pack? using it..

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How can you ruin someone's day? Tell them their mother has cancer. No really, I found out my mom has cancer a week ago.

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A nun, a jew, and a black walk into a bar. The bartender says "What is this, a joke?"

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What is orange and smells like oranges? Oranges.

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Once upon a time, there was a boy. He was 12 years old. He is dad was rich from his business and so when it came time for his 12 year old boy to turn 13 he insisted on buying the boy whatever he wanted. He thought that the imagination of a 12 year old boy might in fact humour him, even if the cost of such a present reached the millions. He asked his son "Son, a very special day's coming up", his son smirked "I know Dad". "Well, what would you like?" asked the Dad. His son pondered for several seconds before replying, "honestly Dad, all I want it 12 Pink Ping Pong balls". The Dad, curious and a little disappointed asked "of course son, but why?". His son replied "I can;t say, I'd just like them for my birthday please". And so on his thirteenth birthday, he indeed received 12 Pink Ping Pong balls. His Dad thought nothing of it until next year, when he asked his son "what would you like for your birthday this year son? A new 82-inch Tv for you toilet, or how about a new jet?". His soon blew the hair out of his eyes and said, "Dad, all I want is room full of Pink Ping Pong balls". His dad again agreed but asked "why Pink Ping Pong balls son?". His son replied "I'll tell you when I get them". True to his word when the boy turned 14, he received a whole room full of Pink Ping Pong balls and his Dad asked him "now why did you want them son". But his son replied "I'll tell you next year". Rather reluctantly his Dad agreed. and then he died.

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Can a match box? No, but a tin can.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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