Q. What did the mom say to the boy scout? A. He wouldn't be a happy camper.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Don't you just hate it when somebody is saying something interesting and they don't finish their sentence?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

I have read and agree to the Terms of Service

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth? With a blender. How do you get them out? Nachos (make a dipping and snacking motion).

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did Suzy fall off the swing? Because she had no arms or legs. Knock Knock? Who's There? Not Suzy. What did Suzy want for Christmas? Parents who loved her. What did Suzy get for Christmas? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's better than your first Hanukkah? Not being a Jew.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why couldn't the black man get out of jail? He couldn't post his bond.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How many footballs fit in a glass of liquid. none, this football is HUGE!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

If an oak tree falls in the woods, and the tree has 3 squirrel nest in them, then does a whale jizz in the ocean?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

dylan wishes he could come up with funny jokes. but that is impossible for a man trying to bat with a .5inch ****

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call a guy with an axe in his head? Chuck

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the girl break her leg? Because I pushed down the staircase.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

quantum physics?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: What did the homless man get for chritsmas? A: Frostbite

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How did the fat guy survive the plane crash? Because he still in the food court at the airport.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have a gun! So I KILL YOU!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

When life hands you melons it means you're dyslexic.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

http://media.photobucket.com/image/whale%20penis/marcus1v0/whale_penis2.jpg

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Dear Reader I am writing to express my complete and utter disdain toward the subject of your face. Rarely have I to witness such a repugnant sight. I would like to inform you that, upon most regrettably witnessing your face, my delicate stomach muscles gave way, and my morning meal, of lightly buttered Kipper and freshly squeezed orange juice most unfortunately ended up in one of the seventeen human waste disposal outlets to adorn my manor house. I struggle to comprehend how you, being such a selfish sadist, are able to live with yourself, knowing how much dismay you have caused me. Might I suggest that you pay a visit to a prosthetic plastic surgeon, in order to prevent other innocent's to suffer as did I. I request politely, but please be firmly assured in the knowledge that I will complain to the magnificent force of the police should you not comply with my reasonable request. Your face simply can not be allowed to exist in it's current form. I would go so far to say that it may be a danger to the elder's of our society, with their regrettably weak hearts.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A man walks into a pet shop. He says to the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, do you have any dogs going cheap?" The shopkeeper replies "We feel that we price our animals reasonably, but the cheapest type of dog we have is £50." The man realises that, unfortunately, he cannot afford a dog so instead he purchases a goldfish. It wasn't the same.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you get if you cross a fairy cake with some boiled parsnips? Fladgemuffin

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why was the black man afraid of leaving his house? Because he has severe agoraphobia and cannot function normally in society.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

There was a dog walking down the street with his GF. The dog can have a GF and can talk because this is an anti joke. Then the dog broke up with his GF because he was unhappy with her scent. Dogs are weird that way. Then, sobbing, he saw something through the blur of his tears. The county fair was open! Elated, the dog ran to the fair and waited n the ticket line for a long time. He waited so long, he almost exploded. Once he got to the end, he reached in his coat pocket (yeah, the dog is wearing a coat. It's cold), and found no wallet. FUUUUUUU! By the time he got back, the fair was closed for the day. The next time he came back, he had a hard time getting through the line. When he did, he raced to the ferris wheel. Halfway up, the ferris wheel stopped. CWAP! The neckst daey, thee dwawg whent two the ferries weele and went up. Yay. At the top, he saw his house! there was a chicken crossing the road. WTF? Why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side. Phuck yeah.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops