A girl hears a noise in the middle of the night in her kitchen downstairs. She walks down halfway through the staircase and asks if anyone is there, as if the intruder will say, "Yes, I'm in the kitchen. Want me to make you a sandwich?" *This will never happen. Movies are stupid when it comes to these scenes. No one will actually ask if anybody is there if they hear a noise in the middle of the night.*

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Why was the teacher sad? Because her boyfriend broke up with her.

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How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? By grounding her.

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Q: Whats the difference between water melon and a baby? A: Watermelon is a fruit.

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What did the homeless man find on the side of the street? A pile of dead babies.

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knock knock. who's there? 9/11

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. The first one says "Boy, it sure is hot in here." The second one says "Holly shit! A talking muffin!" As muffins generally don't talk.

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shirt and blue, i call this one snow white, to score and seven years a jo, six samurai kageki, coral, 50 piece, specific frame, whats with that one, amy, hoption, smell my butt, smell my balls, smell my fart, smell my poop, urgay

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Why are black people so good at basketball? Because they practise.

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Why did tigger look in the toilet? Because he is being treated in a mental institution and eats his own fecal matter.

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What color is Michael Jackson? Pale because he's dead.

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Why was the All-black Basketball team disqualified? Because they all died in a hotel fire.

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What do you do to a brain dead man to get his money? Pull the plug.

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Why is there trees? Because they change color... Oh yeah and for oxygen by Burflared

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Slow and steady wins the race, But only in some cases. Mostly never.

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What did the elderly lady say to the man? You still have not repaid my services

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Why is Justin bieber gay? Because he is atracted to men

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why was little jonny not playing in the baseball game? his legs were shattered in a terrible lawn mowing accident.

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Boy: Excuse me, do you have a cigarette? Man: First let me see your ID. Boy: I don't have an ID Man: Well, how much money do you have? Boy: 50 cents Man: Sorry, I don't have any cigarettes. Boy: Good job, I'm actually undercover cop and you sir are a good citizen for not giving a minor cigarettes. Man: Cool, do I get a reward? Boy: Yes, you will receive a good citizen award and free $50 coupon. Man: Thank you! Boy: Can I have a cigarette now? Man: I wasn't lying when I said I didn't have any cigarettes. Boy: Okay, have a nice day.

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why did the boy scream? because he got shot.

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Knock knock. ... ... *after waiting 30 seconds or so to no answer, the knocker concludes there is no one home and decides to go home to take his son to soccer practice and work on his taxes, and maybe call his mother to see how her foot surgery went* Who's there? Oh.. This is awkward, I forgot why I was here in the first place. I have to go. Bye.

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A man walked into a bar. He has been in a coma for six weeks now.

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A. Did you hear about the circus fires? b. They were intense. (in tents)

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Why didn't Suzie Fall off the Swings? She Has no legs and couldn't get on

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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