- Anti Joke

Whats worse than the Holacaust? Stepping on damn Lego's. MrBounty44

A man wakes up after only one hour of sleep due to his insomnia. He starts to cry because his wife just passed away and his parents were recently killed in a car accident. The man gathers his composure, takes a shower, and drives to his minimum wage job. He was expelled from high school for an assault he didnt even commit and has no money to get an education. At work, he accidentally drops a box of valuable, fragile electronic parts and gets fired by his boss. He goes home to his dirty 1 bedroom apartment and contemplates suicide. He decides to wait as his favorite tv show is on. He turns on the tv to the news his show has been cancelled. The man, depressed, suicidal and alone, picks up his .22 and kills himself. There is no God.

This is one LONG empty space isn't it?

why doesnt john lipka have a job? because the unemployment rate is high these days.

How can you tell if your wife is dead? She won't have a pulse.

If a man shouts in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? He could be, he could not be. It really depends on what he says. The greater concern is that he's shouting alone in the forest. Either he's in trouble or he has a major psychology disorder.

What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then I got stabbed.

What musical band do you get if you keep shouting while in the mountain? The rolling stones. What do you get if you keep shouting in a snow covered mountain top? Blizzard Entertainment.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Well, technically speaking, chickens lack the capability to cross said road because chances are that it was a highway because highways cover 64% of america's roads. This being said, the possibility of a chicken being able to cross is is highly improbable. So to answer the question.... BACON!!!

There were 3 men on a rough each granted one wish to make. The first guy sees a bird and runs and jumps off the ledge and wishes to be a bird and he flies away. The second guy sees a butterfly so he too runs and jumps off the ledge and wishes to be a butterfly and flies away. The third guy telling himself those were all stupid wishes, makes up his mind what he is going to wish for so he runs to the ledge and just after he says "I wish to be" he trips on the ledge and says, "shit!" So his wish was granted and shit he became. The End.

What did Dave tell me on Tuesday? "It's Wednesday, dumbass."

A banker makes some poor economic investments with other people's money. turns out the people can never get the money back. the banker walks away like nothing happened. the government does nothing to prosecute the man. Somewhere in there his wife leaves him.

2 * 2 * 2 * 3 * 2417

What make's a constuction worker drop's his hammer? MC Hammer moves.

Roses are red violets are purple what the hell happened to your ugly face

Q.What do you call a friend with benefits? A. a buck fuddy.

Q: Why did Robin Williams kill himself? A: Because he was jealous of all the attention that Phillip Seymour Hoffman was getting.

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. He calls the right number.

My neighour knocked on my door at 2.30am last night, can u believe it? 2.30am? How rude I thought. Luckily I was still up, playing drums.

What did the homeless man get for christmas? Nothing, but he did purchase whiskey with the little money he had to drink away his misery, and to suppress his suicidal thoughts that were a result of his alcoholism which stemmed from his father's abusive nature.

Q: If your 17 year-old-daughter is a drug addict, how many cartwheels are you going to have to do to make it to Georgia? A: The French Revolution, because your grandmothers facebook shows an 11 year-old selling Concords to a green alien, which can only mean that over 600 people watch pórn daily.

Mexicans are inferior because! BEECUZ! Listen buddy, to be honest, I get girls every now and then because I am what they all want me to be, myself. You are a great friend as far as I am concerned, and I care a lot about you considering I saw you once like... 13 years ago, but I do not spend an entire night chatting with someone on horsehead network out of all things unless that person means a lot more than sex for me... Hell, if I did not feel that nice about you, I would not even have wanted to, and that sounds really awkward for a guy like me to say, believe me, you wont be losing a friend. AS LONG AS YOU KEEP GIVING IT TO ME! I am joking, but this is who I am (sadly) I have many female friends, and yeah well, some I well you know, I am just not the kind of guy that listens to girls sob stories, and pretend to be their gay best friend, while I watch someone bad ass come and bang her... Nah, I am more like that bad ass banger, except I dont break girls hearts afterwards. Seriously, I am really fond of you, to the point where I will say something guys mostly do not say: If you are feeling pressured into stuff, then dont do it, you wont be losing a friend, I wanna spend an intimate night with you (day, shower, on the breakfast table all that) but thats because I really like you, we have built some intimacy in pretty short time if you ask my opinion... See? Now I am being honest and leaving myself vulnerable, and I do that because I honestly care about you.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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