A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

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A deer looks at the ground and sees something strange. He wonders what it could be. A rabbit comes along and thinks the same. A badger promptly arrives after the rabbit and thinks the exact same. 4 seconds later they all get hit by a train.

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A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but it nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Repeated jokes.

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What more orange that a lime? Most things.

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What do you call a Fly with no wings? Dead.

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What do you do when you find a blonde on her knees? Help her up, because obviously she has fallen.

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Why was the little boy hit by a bus? I pushed him

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What did the farmer say when he found his tractor? "There's my tractor."

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Everyone believes in something. If you believe "you'll have another drink," you may be an alcoholic.

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A man said to a performer performin in a concert,"Go break a leg!". The performer did not respond because he is perfoming.

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What did the child say to the clown? For a professional entertainer, you're not that funny.

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roses are red, violets are blue. you've got Alzheimer's, it sucks to be you

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What did the white man say to the black man that sneezed? -Bless you.

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What did the kitty say when it's owner called him over? Nothing. It's owner killed him.

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What do a baby and a slinky have in common? They both bring a smile to your face when you push then down a flight of stairs.

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What's the difference between an egg and a Llama? The'yre both not lamps.

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What does a squirrel get when it rains? It gets wet.

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I was going to type an anti-joke but I totally forgot how it starts. It goes something like something something something something something your mom's a whore.

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What did the little boy say to Micheal Jackson? Shouldn't you be dead?

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What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench Men enjoying a day in the park

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What would Osama Bin Laden be doing if he were alive today? Drowning

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What's the difference between a Jew and a Fire extinguisher? One puts out a fire the other one fuels it.

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whats long, hairy, and has one eye? my cat fluffy, he has cancer.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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