Roses are red, Violets are blue, Daisy's are white, Metallica.

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Jon waits in his driveway for a bit then rides off to a lemonade stand but doesn't stop because the stand is surrounded by police who have arrested the kids at the stand for selling spiked lemonade. He continues past the stand and goes somewhere else (probably Subway).

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What did the orphan say to his parents? nothing

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How do you wake a sleeping bear? Kick it.

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Q: What did the cop do when he saw a mexican in his car? A: Nothing, he was looking in a mirror.

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What's a Gigawat? I made it up.

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What's small, black and at the top of a burning building? Oh shit - I forgot my baby

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Why did the plane crash? Because something was wrong with the engine

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a man walks into a bar. it was a metal bar. his balls hurt.

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What did the gay black man say after JFK was shot? Wow thats really sad but I have such an appetite right now so i should probably go to eat.

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What's invisible and smells like carrots? An invisible carrot!

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What's worse than one cat stuck in a tree? Getting raped

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A man comes home after a long days work. It is late at night and he gets in bed with his wife who is already asleep. Later that night he gets up for a glass of water and returns to the bed room to see that his wife doesn't appear to be breathing and calls 911. He then realizes that this isn't his house and he leaves.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was strapped to the first monkey.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Across the street was a strip mall containing a dry cleaners where he had to pick up his suit for his cousins wedding. The wedding caused controversy in the family considering she was jewish. He had a lot to drink and took a cab home, knowing the dangers of drunk driving in todays society. He had a great time.

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whitney housten was supposed to sing at my funeral... but i dont think thats gonna happen. ;(

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A young baby died.

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A thought for the day: Life is like a game of chess. In the constant struggle for power, control and safe positions it makes no difference whether one plays white or black. As long as everything is planned and one stays a few moves ahead, everything will work out. Just don't annoy the queen, or she may send some very irate knights to fork you or a bishop to flank you. [L]

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Justin Beiber walks into a bar. The bartender does not serve him because he is not the legal drinking age yet.

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What is worse than banging your knee on the coffee table? Tripping over one of the legs and smacking your head on the floor, causing a severe concussion.

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Roses are grey Violets are grey I am colorblind I hate my life

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Q: What is green, jumps and says i'm a frog? A: A frog that talks

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HOw do u DEFeat thE hatErsz shitted on em

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Q: How do you make Kobie Bryant cry? A: Kill his family.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops