Roses are red, violets are blue, if you had a pulmonary embolism, you would be too

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why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the house. knock knock. who's there? the chicken!

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why was the child crying? because his friend just got hit by a van.

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Why did the duly oppressed individual where sunglasses? Because the sun was bright.

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America needs to burn Less fossil fuels to save the environment

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What did the disrespectful cow say to his parents? Mooo. I hate you both

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What do call a man with no arms or no legs that sits on the couch? Grandpa after his amputations.

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what did johnny's dad say to him after his baseball game? nothing because johnny's dad was an abusive alcoholic who beat him until the neighbors found out and called the police. the dad was arrested, tried in court then promptly thrown in jail were he was raped in the showers repeatedly by a very large and intimidating black man. he vomited suicide in his cell today by drinking drain cleaner

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what do you call a sexy feminist? nothing, there are none

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roses are gray, violets are grayer, f*ck this poem and listen to the slayer.

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Jesus hates you this I know, because Buddha told me soo.

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Why did Suzie fall of the swing???? she had down syndrome

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Knock knock. Who's there?

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A bear wakes up from hibernation and is hungry. He sees a nearby forest cabin and decides to see if he can find food inside. The bear breaks into the cabin and thus the people staying there frantically run away to call animal control.

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A man walks into a bar and the bartender asks what he'd like. The man says something funny, but you kinda had to be there.

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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why was six afraid of seven? because seven was a registered sex offender.

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How do you kill a fat guy Keep giving him food he'll die eventually.

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A guy walks up to a girl and says: " hey can I have your number so can I have your text you later?" she says " no" he says " why ?" she says" guess" He says " look if you don't like me thats okay, " he gets up and walks away, turns out she doesn't have a cell phone, she was gonna give him her house number to call.

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yo mama is so fat she has more rolls than basken robins does flavors

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mike:what did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas tom:cancer ahahahaha mike:he got a skateboard jerk nararrator: this skate board will be worth less because he has no legs

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What's black and white and red all over? A Nazi banner.

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whats the fastest way to be murdered tell your wife your cheating on her

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How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2. One to firmly hold the ladder and the other to cautiously screw it in. They are volunteering at the local orphanage and it is wrong to make fun of there religion. We are all different in our own special way.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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