* How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man? * He just need to go to the Register Office and change his name to "a man"

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What do a blueberry and a raspberry have in common? They are both commonly used in parfaits.

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When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Well, life isn't a physical being so chances are low that it will actually hand you lemons.

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A man found a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a genie emerged from the lamp. The genie asked what his new master's wishes were. The man wished for asthma.

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When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

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A blond walks into a hair dresser's wearing a pair of headphones. The hair dresser tells the blond to take the headphones off so she can cut the blond's hair. The blond says that if they take off the headphones, then they'll die. The hair dresser works around the headphones, but finally needs to cut underneath the headphones. The hair dresser forces the blond to take the headphones off and nothing happened.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "why the long face?". The horse stares eats an apple and trots out... Horses can't speak therefore do not understand the question and cannot reply

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An IRS agent named Harold Crick finds that he has the ability to hear a narrator comment on every moment of his life. He later becomes institutionalized in the Schizophrenic ward.

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What was going through the minds of the Sandy Hook victims? Bullets.

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A man and his friend go hunting,one falls in a hole and appears dead. The friend calls 911 and asks what to do, the operator says ok first we need to make sure he's dead. The friend checks his pulse and finds out he is living, then an ambulance is sent and the hunter lives with minor injuries.

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READ IT ALL> whats the difference between a jew and a pizza...the jew is a human with living features and organs that keep his body hydrated while also keeping his blood pumped throughout him, otherwise the pizza is a circular, doe based cake like food topped with a fine layer of cheese and in some cases topped of with other substances such as pineapple or ham :)

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How do you stop a dog from digging up your garden? Every time it does so, shout at the dog so it knows it has misbehaved. Keep doing this and the dog will eventually understand the error of its ways.

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Q- what do you call a Jew swimming in the Antarctic? A- Dead, any man wouldn't survive swimming in water that cold

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What is worse than waking up by your alarm clock on the weekend? 9/11

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Do't you just hate when a sentence doesn't end how you think it will and it just octopus.

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What do polar bears have that no other animal has? Polar bear babies.

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There was once a Polish man who was extremely sad with life because people always made fun of him. He decided to do something about it. He sat down to contemplate the situation, and after a few hours, he thought, "I have never seen anyone making fun of Italians. So, if I start talking and behaving like them, no one will be able to make out that I am Polish and make fun of me." He went into isolation for three months and after a lot of practice, he walked confidently into a shop and said, "I am a very hungry. Give me some pepperoni and zucchini." Immediately, the man behind the counter said "Are you Polish?" This guy was taken aback and he repeated his request. The man behind the counter said, "Are you Polish or not?" This man was finally very ashamed and amazed at the shop owner's discerning ability and so he admitted to the fact after which he asked, "But how did you know?" The shopkeeper replied, "My grandmother was Polish. I could tell by your accent."

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Care to fill in some of the etc etc`s for me? Its not like we are complete strangers one to another either, you and I I mean, I feel pretty secure around you.

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Jimmy can't drive the tractor. Why can't Jimmy drive the tractor? Because he's a patato

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How many pancakes can you fit into a gopher hole? Red - because ice cream doesn't have any bones.

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Why was little Jimmy sad? Because his mum died.

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Q: What do you call a dog driving a car? A: A dog driving a car.

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Why was the girl sad? Because she was, you idiot!

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A duck walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender realizing this is an odd situation, seeing that ducks cannot articulate the English language, realizes he must be dreaming. He wakes up and turns to tell his wife about the dream, but she won't respond. He then realizes how his marriage is in shambles...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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