So a penguin walks into a bar. Penguin's have been affected by global warming so much that they decide to drink away as they near their final hours.

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Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but an orange gourd. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

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Boy: Knock Knock! Girl: Who's there? Boy: It's me, John. Girl: Oh, come in!

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I am not physically scarred, rather mentally, lets just say my childhood was a lot less than pleasant, I got no idea where you got that "Nero lost an arm" thing, I got both arms working. But I guess I often feel alone because only I can feel, see and experience the pain of the scars a terrible childhood has left me with. You are right though, it is easy to give up saying that humanity is not ready or worthy, making me feel as Dr.Doom or something alike, hidden behind some suit of armor still ashamed for things I know that I am not, but that still burn deep within my mind. PTSD buddy, it does not matter if I logically believe that I am competent or not, when my past is engraved, etched into my soul, constantly telling me I am not, so helping others is actually pretty easy, yet saving myself, I do not know how anymore, it is easy to change the minds of those that have not been broken time after time physically and mentally by those which they love the most. I will heal, your words are inspiring, thank you.

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what smells like red paint, looks like red paint and is called red paint? A pear, i lied about everything i just said

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Yo momma so ugly..... what more do you want

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what kind of dog can tiptoe

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A lesbian couple, a straight couple, and a gay couple walk into a bar. They enjoy their drinks and camaraderie.

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whats worse than getting hit whit a baseball? getting hit by a train

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Once upon a time there was a young teenager who was bullied a lot. She died 100 years ago.

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Why does everybody look at the foreign boy strangely? Because he was ugly

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why did the baby die? It was hit by a bus and then raped by a seal.

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whats 2=2? gonorrhea.

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I just got robbed by an invisible man!!!!

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cancer

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Reading another damn "worm in your apple" joke.

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How do you make a mime talk? There are many ways. I prefer a baseball bat with a nail through it.

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Why couldn't the girl find a date to the prom? Because she was really, really ugly.

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What's green and red? A frog in a blender

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why did the boy laugh? cause he was reading this joke!

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In soviet Russia, your dead because it doesn't exist anymore

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What's worse than the WNBA? The Cleveland Cavaliers.

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What did the pet lion say to its owner? Nothing. The lion then proceeded to hunt down its owner, pin him down and rip out his insides. Besides, the likelyhood of owning a lion as a pet is very slim, and even if one did, this act would be highly illegal in most parts of the world.

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What did Shaq do when he first met Rondo? Play Basketball

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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