I like my coffee like my women. Without a penis.

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Waffles ate my grandma

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Why did the muffin not eat the other muffin. Because muffins do not have a digestive system.

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Where is boots, Dora asks Why the hell are you asking me when your the one who is with him.

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There were a dog and a cat in a family house. The dog turned to the cat and said .. nothing because a dog can not speech the human language.

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Chose to describe yourself: Green thumb: Tall wealthy, good looking, intelligent man with a model wife, a ferrari expensivo, a hotel just for yourself. Red thumb: A below average piece of shit? Green thumb? Dont lie to me you piece of sh*t!

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hey I just met you, and this is crazy. I have alzheimers. Hey i just met you.

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What do you say when your hot chocolate is to hot? This hot chocolate is too hot.

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i named my son Frodo because he was little

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A kid goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor! it hurts when I do this!" The Doctor says, "Well, because you have been diagnosed with ALD, and to make matters worse you are allergic to rapeseed oil" The child then cries because he will never live past 40 years old

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What's long and black The unemployment line

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What did the pretty young girl get for her birthday? Cake and presents (get your mind out of the gutter).

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And so the Lord said unto John "Come forth and receive eternal life," but John came fifth, and won a toaster instead.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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What's the difference between a cow? Trick question—cows eat carrots!

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Why did billy fall off his bike? Because someone threw a fridge at him.

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What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas? A pogo stick. Just kidding. Cancer.

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I literally died laughing

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Two drunk drivers got in a car crash They both died

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Whats big black and hairy? A large black dog.

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What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs at night? An experimental animal mutilated then exposed to radiation.

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So there's this girl who really wanted red socks. She goes to the store, socks are $2. Well, that sucks, she thinks. I only have $1. So she goes home and asks her mom for a buck. Sure, the mom replies. I'll give you a buck if you fix my vacuum cleaner. So the girl fixes the vacuum cleaner, mom giver her the buck. The girl goes to the store, but wait. Socks are $3 now. Girl goes home, asks her dad for a buck. Sure, the dad replies. I'll give you a buck if you fix my car. Girl fixes car, dad gives het a buck. Girls goes to store.Well damn, the socks are $4 now. She goes home and asks her brother for a buck. Sure, her brother replies. I'll give you a buck if you fix my computer. Girl fixes computer, brother giver her a buck. Girl goes to store and FINALLY buys the socks. She comes home. Mother dead. Vacuum cleaner exploded. For 1 month the girl mourns her mom. Finally she can wear her socks. Ah crap, car accident. After 1 month mourning her dad she can finally wear the socks. Well, turns out she can't. Brother dead cause of exploded computer. After yet another month of mourning, she can FINALLY wear her red socks. So she does. Suddenly the doorbell rings. The girl opens the door and there's a polar bear standing in front of her. What did the polar bear say? WELL NOTHING, BECAUSE POLAR BEARS CANNOT TALK!!!

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What is the difference between you and a brick? A brick gets laid.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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