A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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How did Hellen Keller eat her meals? With a fork.

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A handless Asian boy was riding his bike through the park with some friends. One of his friends puts his arms in the air and yells "Look! No hands!" The handless boy rides his bike home, crying and thinking about how one day he would like to say, "Look! No hands!" without people getting nauseous.

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how many dead babies can fit in a microwave? 3 1/2

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what did the drunk man say to the bar tender? Hello good sir. Fine day today isn't it.

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What happened when the blind man reached for his soda? He picked it up, took a sip, and placed it back down where it was and continued with what he was doing.

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what did the white rapper say to the black rapper? i like your work. to which the which the black rapper replied, thanks.

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What do you call a smelly black person? An African american with poor hygiene

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What does a black kid get from Christmas? a blunt

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What is the cost of an abortion? 1 life

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What's the difference between a Christian and a Jew? One believes in Jesus, the other doesn't.

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2 muffins are in a oven for 30 minutes, the baker then questions why he only baked 2 muffins.

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being sober in a bar fight

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What do you call a woman who loves sex and food? A fat whore.

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Male leadership.

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Why did the boy get nothing from Santa on Christmas? His parents died the night before!

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Wanna here a funny joke... Trevor michael dyess's social life.

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Why was the road crossed by the chicken? Because as an animal, incapable of understanding human languages and consequently lacking in education, it was unable to understand the convention of not using the passive voice in English prose writing.

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What do you call the Doctor who graduated at the bottom of his class? Doctor.

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What do you call a one legged , one eyed, canadian fisherman called Samuel Browning? Mr Browning unless you are on friendly terms then Sam is fine.

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Roses are blue Violets are polka dot I suck at rhyming Pandas

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how do u wake kesha up? Answer:set her alarm clock to a reasonable time

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why did the child fail to make his bed? because he has downs syndrome and he is incapable of participating in everyday activities.

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How do you make a grown man cry? Fling a rubber band at him.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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