How do you prevent a baby from crawling all over the place? You nail his hands to the floor

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What do you get with you crossbreed a lamp with a chicken? Nothing... You can't crossbreed an inanimate object with a living being.

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An Asian woman is driving home from work and arrives in 30 minutes, which is strange because it normally does not take that long but she left during rush hour and the traffic was very bad at the time.

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Q. What do you call a child with no friends or family A. Adopted

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what did the left foot say to the right foot? Nothing, feet don't talk

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Knock Knock Who's there? Jehovah Witness

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I need a sidecart on my motorcycle just for my diick

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What do a squirrel and a grape have in common? They are both purple except for the squirrel.

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A: What did the Orange say to the Mango? B: Sup Hommie?! A: Wtf.... (awkwardly walks away)

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Okay, but lets write a contract, if you regret your decision at anytime, you get it all back, minus what I have spent of course, both I and my wife have always wanted to live in a house by the sea, hopefully you nearby. You know, I have never been truly happy because I thought I could change this world, now I know that I tried and failed, maybe I can change myself instead, they say that true change comes from within.

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What was the pirates favorite letter? Q.

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Why did the Zombie kill and eat a man? Because it was hungry.

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Life is like a bridge. You get walked on all your life until you fall apart.

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What do trees and people have in common? If you hit them enough times with an axe they will fall over.

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Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Ele PHa n T

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Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

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What do you call an old lady walking down the street? Widowed.

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What's worse than the holocaust? The Jews.

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Alchohol.

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Why are all teachers stupid? They´re not. Why would you say that?

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Why did the cat cross the street? It didn't. I cut off its arms and legs so it couldn't walk.

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What did the man say when he saw Niagra falls? Nothing, he was blind.

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What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you? Someone else's cheese.

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A blonde fails an exam because she did not study

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops