What does a tomato and a human have in common? They both spray red liquid when stabbed repeatedly

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Wanna know what I don't get? I was gonna say yo face, but that would be mean.

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It's okay, I got the yogurt.

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Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because he felt crummy.

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What did the mental patient say to the apple? She didn't say anything because she was a catatonic schizophrenic.

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An armadillo walks into a bar, and shouts "I hear you don't serve armadillos." "That is correct," the bartender replies.

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What did the boy reading a book do? He finished the book and took it back to library.

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Why was Helen Keller a bad driver? Because it is very difficult for someone with a vision impairment to operate a vehicle.

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What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Jew? Harry made it out the chamber.

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What did the lawyer name his daughter? Nothing. The lawyer is sterile and can never have children.

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So, there's a man and a bar. He gets a hacksaw.

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What did the boy eat for breakfast? Food

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Why did the cow hail a taxi? Because cows can't drive.

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What did the boy with no legs get for his birthday? A bike

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Roses are blue, Violets are red, I have to go to the bathroom now...

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A blonde, ginger, and brunette took the SAT. They all performed successfully and were admitted into their colleges of choice.

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Q: How many Jews are there in Germany? A: None, they all died in the holocaust

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wanna hear a clean joke? bob took a bath with bubbles. wanna hear a dirty joke? bubbles was a man :) i heard this somewhere and it made me laugh :)

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Why did the girl take a shower? Because she was dirty

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What do you call a dead black man? A corpse.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't cross it. He was pushed.

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What do a chicken and a grape have in comon? - They're both purple, except for the chicken.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding two worms in your apple.

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So there were these three guys on a plane, one with a ruptured hernia, one with a stomach infection and one with a raging case of gingivitis. Half way through the flight the pilot said, "unfortunately we will not it make to our destination... we are crashing." The three men then went to get the parachutes. they then say that there was only two. the man with the ruptured hernia picked one up and threw it out the door and pushed out the guy with the stomach infection. The guy with the raging case of gingivitis said, "why did you do that... we could have used that parachute!" the man with the ruptured hernia responded, "taco." and jumped out of the plane. the pilot then goes on the intercom and says," sorry. false alarm. we will not be crashing, please enjoy the rest of your flight."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops