Knock knock, Who's th- IMA FIRIN' MA LAZOR

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how do you know if your friend is your best friend? if he cries you cry, if he laughs you laughs, if he jumps out a window you laugh again.

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I'm rubber and you're glue, neither one of us say anything because inanimate objects can't talk.

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Why was the Asian terrible at driving? He was drunk.

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Three soldiers, one Japanese, one American, and one Italian were stuck in a desert. How did they escape? A rescue squad of thirty trained troops came down in a helicopter and brought them each to their respective homes except the Italian who was actually a M.afia boss so they put him in prison.

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What did Han Solo say to Chewy before they got in the Millennium Falcon? Chewy, get in the ship.

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Help! I've fallen and I can't get up.

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Your momma is so black that she probably has ancestors indigenous to Africa.

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What did the drunk man say to his wife? "I love you, Honey"

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Roommate 1: I want to make food but I'm not going to Roommate 2: Why not? Roommate 1: Because I'm tired and lazy.

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What did the calculator screen say? Cos0=1

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Whats worse than a dead baby? Two dead babys.

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What is the similarity between Moses and Muhammad? They both have the same letter starting their names

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A man walks into a bar. Oh, wait, no. It was a horse. So... A man walks into a horse

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Anti-jokes are funny.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I hate rhyming, Vacuum, purple, zebra.

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Why did the clown go to jail? He murdered a thirteen-year-old girl.

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What's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Dre.

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Can a rabbit jump higher than a tree? Trees can't jump

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So, this cheerio is in love with a beautiful frosted cheerio. He asks her on a date. She says no, because she only dates other frosted cheerios. So the cheerio works really hard at his job and is promoted to a honey-nut cheerio. So he asks her out again. She says no because she only dates frosted cheerios. So he works even harder and is made a frosted cheerio. He asks her out again and she accepts. 4 months later after a relationship built on trust and understanding they are married and live a long and fullfilling life together.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?" The horse does not reply as it is a horse and horses cannot speak. The bartender realises his stupid mistake and calls the farm the horse came from. The horse is taken back to the farm and fed some hay. The bartender carries on living his life and then dies of natural causes at a very old age.

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There is a blonde, a redhead, and a brunnette stuck on a deserted island. the redhead gets sick of being trapped, so she decides to risk the 100 miles back to shore. she begins swimming, gets 10 miles out, gets tired, and drowns. the brunnette gets sick of being trapped, so she decides to risk it too. she gets 50 miles, gets tired, and drowns. The blonde decides to escape as well. she is able to swim 98 miles, gets tired, and swims back.

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You can pick your ur nose u can pick ur friends u just can't pick ur friends nose.

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What is worse than getting a cold ? Finding a dead baby in your mailbox

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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