There once was an old man. He had worked hard his whole life to make sure his children got everything they needed, and that they were always happy. He had a beautiul life and a great big house with a marvelous view of the ocean. In time his kids moved away, and his wife died. The old man was left all by himself in the great big house, and sometimes the emptiness of the house reminded him of the emptiness of his own heart. He very seldom cried though, and kept all of his emotions inside. One day it all became to much for him and he took his own life in the silence of his great big empty house. I was that ocean.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why is it interesting to watch your mum shower? It's Not, its sick you pervert

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Knock Knock. Who's there? Cow that recognizes normal social cues and politely waits for its turn to speak. Cow that recognizes normal social cues and politely waits for its turn to speak who? Moo.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What is a Zebra? Zebras (/?z?br?/ zeb-r? or /?zi?br?/ zee-br?)[1] are several species of African equids (horse family) united by their distinctive black and white stripes. Their stripes come in different patterns, unique to each individual. They are generally social animals that live in small harems to large herds. Unlike their closest relatives, horses and donkeys, zebras have never been truly domesticated.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Who won the race through the underpass, the black man or the polish man? The black man as he crossed the finish line several seconds earlier.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

why did the money fall out of the tree... because he was dead

thumb_up thumb_down -20

A women was driving along in her brand new, swanky, red ferrari when she spotted a red light in the distance. She stopped steadily, following the rules of the road. All of a sudden a loud bang came from behind her where a young driver had hit her at 50 mph. They both come to an abrupt stop and exited their vehicles. The women says "Idiot, you just hit me!" The boys says "oh don't worry, I have insurance."

thumb_up thumb_down -20

A man walks into a bar and says "ow"; he stepped on a nail sticking up through one of the floorboards. He then sues the bartender for a large sum of money because of the injury he sustained, and causes the bartender to lose everything he owns in order to pay off his debt.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What did the farmer say to the chicken? Nothing, speaking to a bird would have been considered highly irregular, bordering on insane. He left the bird alone, until the time came to slaughter the bird and take it's nutritious meat.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

One scientist is talking to another scientist. One say "what's the matter?" The other replies "my family is dead"

thumb_up thumb_down -20

what did the man write down? nothing,because at that time, his pen was out of ink, so he had to open his dest drawer to get another one

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Whats the difference between a dead baby and a corvette? I didn't get 20 years for owning a corvette.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why didn't little Jimmy eat his dinner? Jimmy didn't eat his dinner because there was no food. Jimmy is a poor street urchin who died of starvation.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says "It's probably not a good idea that your in here, any sudden movements and you could seriously injure somebody. Our beer glasses aren't ergonomically designed for your kind of species. I'm going to have to ask you to leave"

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the monkey

thumb_up thumb_down -20

"Why can't you hear pterodactyl when it goes to the bathroom?" "Because the pee is silent?" "No, because they are dead, you idiot."

thumb_up thumb_down -20

A man walks into a bar. His alcohol dependency is tearing his family apart.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What do you call a black garbage man? A garbage man

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What's worser than dieing? Living-being tortured while at it too

thumb_up thumb_down -20

whats a joke... Parker Coffey at life

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it got hit by a passing car.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

How do you get an elephant into a refrigerator? you open the door and guide him inside

thumb_up thumb_down -20

go F*** yourself

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops