What did the fat man buy at Mcdonalds? A unicorn

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You're in the middle of the ocean and you see a roller coaster. What color is the penny? Tree.

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Q: What was the pirate movie rated? A: PG-13 for violence and brief nudity.

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Why did the astronaut die in space? Just kidding there was no astronaut. It was a cucumber

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How to you kill a pizza guy? Shoot him in the face.

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A cat walks into a bar. She belongs to the owner, so he gives her a saucer of milk.

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Q; Whats the hardest part about nailing a dead baby to a wall? A; my dick while doing it.

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roses are red violets are blue i'm chinese and i don't know a joke pickle.

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Why did the black man steal purple kool-aid, chicken and watermelon? Because it was the birthday of his 8 year old daughter with autism and she loves purple kool-aid, chicken and watermelon and he was very poor and wanted to make his little girl happy for once.

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why did the dog cross the street? because it saw a squirrel

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What did Tom see after taking a much need long nap? The ceiling.

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Q: What does a baby look like in a microwave? A: I don't know, I don't masturbate with my eyes open.

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do you have a wife?

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What did the policeman say to the man robbing the bar? Stealing is wrong. Then the police read the man his Miranda laws.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he wanted to, like any other chicken

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Why couldn't Michael J. Fox draw a perfect circle? Because he has parkinsons and therefore couldn't keep his hand steady.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? One is a human being belonging to a particular religious minority and the other is a delicious Italian food favoured by English speaking western cultures. The problem with this anti-joke is that the facts are not correct, pizza was originally invented and China; however,it looked quite different then what might be considered pizza by our standards, when pizza was brought to Italy it was improved to make what we now consider pizza in modern times. While some people may consider pizza an Italian food, this would be failing to give credit to the Chinese who invented it.

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck had AIDS?

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There was once a boy named Aladin. He was very poor until he found a magic lamp. When he rubbed the lamp, a genie poped out of the lamp. He said... "I will grant you one wish, master" Aladin thought about this for a long time, until eventually he said... "I wish for all the chocolate in the world" "Very well, master" And the genie granted his wish and Aladin had all the chocolate in the world Unfortunately, because he ate so much chocolate, Aladin died of heart & liver failure

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Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but an orange gourd. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

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a horse is a horse. of course of course....unless its a cow

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what is similar between a turtle losing its shell, and a man selling his chlothes and house? they are now both naked and homeless

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What did the female lady person say to the baby? Get Some.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He is seriously pissed off about being repeatedly subjected to this level of intense interrogation. Do you ask other animals why they chase their tails or claw at dirt? Do people ask you why you run when you're late? How would you like to have every move you made transformed into some cliche, old farce? There's a road, he's a chicken, there are only so many possible outcomes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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