Why do elephant tusks stick out? For uprooting trees and bushes, and for defending their young.

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Women's Rights..

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's, Roses are red.

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What do you call a fat guy? A fata*s mothaf*cka

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How do you make a blond cry? Rape her and kill her family.

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When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

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what is the difference between two trees? it doesn't matter because motorcycles don't have doors

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A duck walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender realizing this is an odd situation, seeing that ducks cannot articulate the English language, realizes he must be dreaming. He wakes up and turns to tell his wife about the dream, but she won't respond. He then realizes how his marriage is in shambles...

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joe: guess what. Bob: what. Joe: nothing I just wanted to talk

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ask me what my temperpedic bed is like. ''whats it like?'' i dont know ive never had one actully.

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When life gives you lemons you squirt them in someones eyes and steal what life gave them.

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what do you tell a black man getting hit by a police baton? that is racial inequality, and you no longer have to take that due to Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address.

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. The first one turns to the second, and says nothing, because muffins can't talk. They then both die because the temperature in the oven was 370 degrees.

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How do you kill an elephant? -With a gun? No, an elephant gun. How do you kill a red elephant? -With an elephant gun? No, with a red elephant gun. How do you kill a blue elephant? -WIth a blue elephant gun? No, you choke it until it turns blue and kill it with a red elephant gun. How do you kill a purple elephant? Theres no such thing as a purple elephant, thus contradicting the reality of performing a major act of animal abuse on it.

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What do you get when you rape a dead baby filled with jalapeños? A lifetime in prison, and a burning penis.

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Q. what did voldemort get for christmas that harry potter didnt? A. dinner with his parents

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Knock Knock Who's there? Jeff Oh hey Jeff, come on in

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how many licks did it take the boy to get to the center of a tootsie pop? he died of cancer

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A baby crawls into a bar. He cannot walk.

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A dog walks into a bar and the bartender asks him "What can I get for you?" The dog replies "1 beer please." shocked at the dogs English the bartender sprints out of the bar in terror

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Boy: "But I don't wanna visit Grandma!" Mother: "Shut up and keep digging."

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American: Nice cowboy hat Australian: hahahahahaha American: What's so funny? Australian: You're so incompetent... American: What does incompetent mean? Australian: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/7/78/Trollface.svg/200px-Trollface.svg.png

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Easy, you get a phone with a recorder that rather than playing a "please leave a message after the tone", plays the same tune as if the phone was still not picked up. Now tell me here and now, because I wont waste more time on you, what part did you play in this? Jenny Chatterton? Another one of your pseudonyms? What the fuck did you think would happen? You live in the Uk, london, so, tell me everything, or I will share every single detail here.

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why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the fried chicken restaurant... BAWK BAWK cannibal

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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