- Anti Joke

What do pancakes and Smokie Bear have in common? They both don't have aids

A man walked into a bar, he was meeting his friends but was half an hour early, so he went down the road and got a burger. He had recently began dieting to maintain a healthy weight, but had trouble with self control. 30 years later he would gamble away his family's life savings and then go onto live a long and unfulfilled life.

Knock Knock Who's there? Ash Oh hey Ash, I was expecting you, come on in!!

Women. One of the genders a human can be.

Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

Why did Hitler hate Jews? Because he use to get bulied by them when he was in high school.

A white man, a black man, and a woman are drinking in the local pub. The black man and the woman are hanged. Medieval European pubs did not permit either.

Why did Helen Keller cross the road? Hoefuwpugosihfioapfsoihosw[

How do you call the uncle who molested you as a child? More than likely with a telephone.

How do you get girls to watch a crappy movie? Tell them Taylor Lautner is in it.

Q: What's the difference between a Boyscout and a Jew? A: Boyscouts come home from camp.

what is the tastiest veggie? veggies aren't tasty.

What did the disabled kid do on friday? He fell down a flight of stairs.

Why did a black man enter a KFC? Because he had been in town a while and had grown hungry over the period of walking around, and decided he should get some food to satisfy his hunger so he may continue his journey around town. The fact he entered KFC is purely coincidental, as he could've easily decided to go to a different eatery, but it just so happens that the closest one was a KFC.

the power to turn magnetism into light

if got a joke if fogot it

What did the computer say to his girlfriend? I'm going to RAM you tonight.

My friend thought that an onion was the only food that could make you cry, so I threw a watermelon at his face.

What did the orphan get for his birthday? Shit on.

Your momma is so dumb... that when she took an IQ test she score pretty low on it.

what do you do when see a young girl crying on the swingset? ask her kindly to move, as you would like a turn

How do you know when it is a Mexican's birthday? They are walking around with "happy birthday" balloons.

Why did the man Jump of a bridge? Because he got sick of his life and he wanted to die.

Why did the chicken cross the road? 'Cause you touch yourself at night;

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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