- Anti Joke

A man walks into a bar with a pack of Marlboros and promptly starts to light a cigarette. The bartender rushes over to stop him. "Hey! We don't allow smoking in here chump! Take it outside." The man replies with a big grin on his face. "Oh no sir. These ain't no ordinary cigarettes. My granddad gave me this pack a decade ago on his death bed." He pulls it out and shows the bartender 19 stale smokes. "He told me that any who took a single drag off any of them would have their biggest wish come true." the man recalled. The bartender had a perplexed look on his face and yelled "What the f* are you talking about? Get out of here before I curb check your a!" The man was then hastily escorted out by security. He then died 4 days later from autoerotic asphyxiation.

A king's son's birthday was coming up and the king asked,"Son i'm the king. You can have anything you want." And the son said,"Oh i'll have some purple ping pong balls." For his birthday he got a rollar coster, a pizzaria, a new car, and of corse, some purple ping pong balls. The next year the king asked,"Son, i'm the king, you can have anything you want." and the son said,"Oh i'll have some purple ping pong balls." And for his birthday he got a manchin, an iphone, a water park, and of corse some purple ping pong balls. One day, the prince was driving in his car and was in a terrible car accadent. On his death bed, his father asked him one final question,"Son, why did you want all of those purple ping pong balls?" And the son answered,"Well, i wanted all of them because-" and then he died.

How many pastry chefs does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. It's a fairly simple job.

Their were three business men going on a trip, they had only one bed in the hotel so they had to sleep in the same bed. The next day guy on the right said i a great handjob last night and the guy on the left said the same thing. The guy in the middle said last night i was dreaming i was skiing

Keira Knightley walked in to a coffee shop. The man behind the counter said "Wow, you're Keira Knightley!". Keira replied, "No, actually I am just one of your many masturbatory fantasies. You are currently staring at an old lady that just asked you for a latte". "Oh, by the way. You are drooling and have an erection."

guess what? i dont know, what? i dont know either, i thought you knew.

How do you get a guitar player to play softer? Ask him to lower the volume a bit and maybe also play a quieter tune.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get hit by a car and die.

A black man, a small child, and a priest were all standing in line. They were all checking in the hospital after being in a 3 car pileup

What did batman say to robin before they got in the car? Get in the car!

Once, there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end

Whats brown and smells like shit? Shit.

The horse walks into the bar and the bartender says, "why the long face?" the horse looks at him and says, "my wife just died."

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops

Why did two girls need one cup? they didnt feel like washing an extra dish to drink their coca cola

Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A: A pedophile.

What do you call two black men walking down a stairwell? Their names.

knock knock who's there BANG!! BANG!! BANG!! BANG!! who OPEN THE DOOR ITS THE POLICE

Knock knock I'M IN THE BATHROOM !!

Wanna know way i don't eat grapes? I hate Grapes.

Why was the dog hairless? I lied, it was a pig.

How many pastry chefs does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. It's a fairly simple job.

Their were three business men going on a trip, they had only one bed in the hotel so they had to sleep in the same bed. The next day guy on the right said i a great handjob last night and the guy on the left said the same thing. The guy in the middle said last night i was dreaming i was skiing

Robin, get in the Batmobile.

guess what? i dont know, what? i dont know either, i thought you knew.

I like the color potato.

How do you get a guitar player to play softer? Ask him to lower the volume a bit and maybe also play a quieter tune.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get hit by a car and die.

A black man, a small child, and a priest were all standing in line. They were all checking in the hospital after being in a 3 car pileup

2 + 2 = 4

What did batman say to robin before they got in the car? Get in the car!

Once, there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end

Whats brown and smells like shit? Shit.

The horse walks into the bar and the bartender says, "why the long face?" the horse looks at him and says, "my wife just died."

Gay marriage is freaking gay.

Anti Joke

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