When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

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why did the mexican choose to work as a landscaper instead of at taco bell? landscaping pays much better and was a more practical decision in this economy to support his family of 13.

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I can be considerate if like someone is burning to death and I was the one considerate enough to lit them on fire... Wait no, I am considerate towards my friends (which are all ladies, all men besides me are obstacles and nothing else) AAAAND my logic processor broke down. Anyway, please do me the honors, take the last message.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia! Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia! Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia! Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia......

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What do you do if your batteries die and you have none left? Go to your nearest battery selling retail store and buy some more.

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A man spots Bill Murray at a restaurant in Los Angeles. He proceeds to tell his friends the story, who in turn believe him, as the story is plausible.

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Excuse me, do you have any gnats? Yes, plenty. Thank you

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How do you keep an idiot in suspense?....

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How many pastry chefs does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. It's a fairly simple job.

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25 kids go into the water. shark in the water. 10 come out. Ice cream man deals with the rest of 'em.

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Q: What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Easter? A: Diabetes

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Who would be an amazing GOP VP? Chris Christie -Mitt Romney

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What's the difference between a duck and a bicycle? They both have handlebars. Except for the duck.

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Why is it easy to steal candy from a baby? Because the baby is smaller, weaker and would not pose any threat.

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A man walks into the doctor's office for an appointment. The doctor performs the usual examinations, before asking the man to turn his head and cough. As is standard, he feels the man's genitals to check for irregularities. The man jokes, "Say doc, couldn't you at least ask me to dinner first?" The doctor replies, "You have testicular cancer." He died a month later.

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What's green and has wheels? The White House. I lied about everything, I'm so sorry.

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dude ur such a bon of a sitch

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A depressed man walks into a bar. He has a drink and heads back to his apartment. On the way he was killed by another man attempting to commit suicide due to depression.

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Do cows get breast cancer or utter cancer?

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Whats funnier than a black guy dieing? Everything thats not funny

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How do you make a Bong Ki mad? Call him a Bong Ki.

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why was six afraid of seven? prison changes a person

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Roses are red, lemons are sour, open your legs and give me an hour.

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What did the blonde say when she fell out of a tree? Nothing, she shattered her trachea upon landing.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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