An amputee walks into a bar with a big smile on his face and sits down. The bartender looks over at him and asks "So why are you so happy?" The amputee doesn't answer because he has been completely deaf, blind and mute since birth.

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Why was young Timmy Crying? Unfortunately he had a very rare but serious heart condition and he would probably die within a week.

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theres no 'I' in 'team' but theres an 'I' in 'hitler'

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What is the worst part about eating a vegetable? Eating the wheelchair too.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient ability. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Why did the chicken cross the road!? He was supposed to be dead! You are by far the most incompetent chicken assassin we've ever had. You're fired.

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what did the home less man get for chrismas? cancer.

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Why the chimp fell off the tree? Because it's dead.

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What do Justin Bieber and Eminem have in common? They both need to get a life. I lied about Eminem.

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How many babies does it take to tile a roof? Depends how thinly you slice them

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Why did the sheriff cross the road? Cuz I told him to.

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What do you call a banana in a blender? A banana in a blender. Duh

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream cone? Because he got hit by a bus.

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how many pancakes does it take to shingle a dog house? 16 if the ice cream melts

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Knock knock.

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how do you get an old man to fall? tip over his wheelchair

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Why is Suzie at the bottom of the cliff? Because I pushed her. Knock knock Who's there? Not Suzie.

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What did the flower say to it's friends? I want to kill a Christmas tree.

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Why did the police officer pull over the black person? He made a traffic infraction.

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Q: What does a gay horse eat? A: Cheese

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If you have a stroke, call 000

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I remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. I bet I can kick this bucket. He missed and had a heart attack.

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Donald Duck walks into a drug store and asks the lady behind the counter for a bag of condoms. So the lady says, "Sure thing sir, would you like me to put that on your bill"? Donald says," THIT(Shit)NO, I'LL THUFFOCATE! (Suffocate)

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I suck at poetry. Nice tits.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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