What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? "I'm going to kill everyone you've ever loved you fucking cocksucker, you think you can get away with sleeping with my wife? You better think again kiddo I will take away everything from you until you are reduced to a smoldering ruin of what you once was, mark my words bitch."

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A man walks out of his house and sees a......BIRD!!!

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Why did Helen Kellers dog run away? It didn't. She did not own a dog.

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Why didn't children go to their grandma at summer? Cause, they were hit by a car earlier that year and they are dead.

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In Soviet Russia, the same thing that happens here, happens there.

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So a guy walks into the doctors and say "Doctor it hurts when i poke my knee like this" the doctor says "Let me see your hand" the doctor squeezes the patients finger and the patient says "ow!" the doctor says "now poke you knee again" the patient pokes his knee and says "it still hurts" so the doctor comes to a conclusion and says " you dont have a broken kneecap you have a broken finger, stupid, now get out and leave me alone!"

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Jews

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How do you get an alien baby to sleep? Well, first you need to get an alien baby.

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What do dogs and keyboards have in common? Nothing.

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Yeah your point? Anyway, so then the brain surgeon goes: I have have cut into thousands of brains, and never seen a single thought.

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Q: Why was the boy so sad? A: His parents were just killed in a car wreck, therefore orphaning him and his five brothers and sisters and leaving them with no money, food, or shelter due to lack of steady income and the fact that their house had been foreclosed on.

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Once a upon a midnight haven. Along came a cow name Mr. Maven. For they say the cow was very lucky. But oh what a day for something very mucky. Oh ye the coming of Mr. Maven and his milk. And for every cereal there will be silk. But wait isn't Mr. Maven a guy? How can you milk him even if you try? I don't know, just sounds cool.

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Why wasn't the boy at school? Obviously it was the weekend.

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Laughter is the best medicine. No, Heroin is.

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What happens when a fat guy falls ? Ohio has another earthquake.

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Why did the fat man fall off the swing? Because he weighed 855 pounds and it broke.

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A racist man walks into an all black church. He has no problem with the people there as he is a black man who hates caucasion people.

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knock knock who's there? the paperboy the paperboy who? i lied, i'm a serial rapist, you should have looked through the peephole

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Roses are red... Violets are blue... I have Alzheimers... CHEESE ON TOAST

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how do you kill a blond? give her a gun and tell her it a blow dryer

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A man falls off a building and dies on Impact

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whats wooden and hard a wooden floor

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What is more boring than watching paint dry? Aids

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What do you call an Islamic man fling a plane? A very frightened passenger who took over flying the plane when the pilot collapsed due to a heart attack

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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