A homeless guy on the brink of starvation found one dollar lying on the street. He took it and bought a lottery ticket at the local drugstore. God was looking down on him with pity that day and decided that day that he would no longer be a vagabond. The next day, the homeless man won the lottery jackpot, worth 100 million dollars. He declared that on that day, he was the luckiest and happiest man alive. He then woke up in a pile trash.

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What colour is chocolate? Brown.

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A fish walks into a bar. He proceeds to talk the bartender. "Blub blub blub" The fish sitting next to him whispers to the bartender. "What is he talking about." The bartender shrugs.

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What do you call a dog with no legs? What ever you want, its still not going to come.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a tape worm in your apple.

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What's the difference between an American and a Russian? One's American and one's Russian.

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What would kill a Muslim if they were to ingest it? Arsenic

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Why would Maria not have sex with Liam? Because she is Danish and doesn't shave and therefore is self-conscious

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Knock knock. ... ... *after waiting 30 seconds or so to no answer, the knocker concludes there is no one home and decides to go home to take his son to soccer practice and work on his taxes, and maybe call his mother to see how her foot surgery went* Who's there? Oh.. This is awkward, I forgot why I was here in the first place. I have to go. Bye.

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What do you do when a sing is stuck inside your head? Put a gun to your head, and shoot the song to death. It will work. Trust me. Youll never hear the song again. Or anything again.

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Why are black people so tall? Jesus was also black and therefore gives black people some favorable traits.

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what worse then stepping on a lego? watching your son kill your wife

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Why did the boy fail his test? He didn't study.

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Yo Mama is so stupid, she believes in God. While her faith has absolutely nothing to do with her intelligence and in 2014 only the most bigoted and stupid people would demean people based on their religion,she does have an IQ of 65 and is therefore believed to be mentally inadequate. It's really quite sad.

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a man walks off of a damn. a damn is not a noun, thus nobody can walk off it

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A Man walks into a bar and asks for a shot. The Bartender proceeds to unload a 30 round banana clip into his head, neck, and midsection.

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what makes a knight in shining armor a knight in shining armor? he has to have armor and be a knight.

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Q.Why did the black man go to college? A. What does his race have to do with anything?

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What do you get when you cross a chicken and a turkey? Just a sort of mixed bird thing.

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A Canadian walks into a bar, he rubs his head, steps around the bar, and walks into a bar. He has a great time hanging out with his friends and having a few drinks

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Hhahahahahhahhahahahahhaahhayournanisdeadhahhahahahahahahah

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A horse walks into a bar... The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse says, "I have testicular cancer........"

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lol i'm going to hell for laughing at this shit

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Ring ring yes.This is doctor steve and we got our test results and it seems that you'r son has butinites and you'r kind sytoms are nothing because he is just an ass.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops