Q:How do you kill Chuck Norris ? A:You don't , He kills you first.

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What do you call 100 black men at the bottom of the ocean? A scuba group because during these hot summer months they like to cool off and go scuba diving.

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My uncle Magnus and my Aunty Agnus had a baby and named it.............Death.

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Whats green and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootise pop? No, seriously, does anyone know?

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How I Met Your Mother, starring Oedipus Rex

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Why did Alex fall off the swing? he had no arms

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One man said to another, "Hey, can you hear that?" "No." He replied.

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What do you call a bear. Rob.

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You are basically asking if I care for you, care for me, and if this could put us both in risk... There is no picking at this stage, why would I use you?

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Why do Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles always smile? Because they enjoy there life even though there both blind.

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A seal walks into a club. The man proceeds to skin it and sell the fur for profit.

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Phew, I was like thinking all like "I am really into this guy, we can like chat like this and stuff too right?"

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A penguin is walking through the snow, and comes across a polar bear with a hat on. He stops and stares at the polar bear for a second and then compliments the polar bear on his hat. The polar bear smiles and promptly consumes the penguin, building up a fat layer for the coming Winter.

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What would the Swatch be called if it was made by a Croatian company? A Crwatch.

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What's worse than finding a worm inside your apple? The Holocaust

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It sucks if you have amnesia. It sucks if you have amnesia.

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What do you call a Mexican who likes to eat burritos? A Mexican

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Roses are red Violets are actually purple You should probably see an eye doctor.

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Roses are red lemons are sour open Your legs and gimme an hour!

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Dog walks into a bar Asked for a hard cider Got it

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How do you get a blonde with one hand out of a tree? Grab a ladder and carry her down.

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How long does it take a person to steal a television? Many variables could determine said ability to successfully steal a television. Such variables depend on sub-variables such as weight of the television, whether the television is a store, an upper-class citizen's home, or in a "ghetto" apartment. A main variable could be the race of the thief in question. African Americans are scientifically more likely to steal a television faster compared to a Caucasian. Yet a downside to being an African American is the fact that they are more likely to be called in for questioning or arrested on the spot at their broken down home. Caucasians are less likely to be questioned and if caught will most likely obtain the proper amount of bribery money in which to pay off the police.

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Why did Martha Stewart's skin hurt? My friend has a skin condition :( and is dying, skin cancer is not something to make fun of.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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