How do you catch an elephant? Dig a nice deep hole in the ground, and fill it with ashes. Next, line the outside of the hole with peas. When the elephant comes to take a pea, kick it in the ash hole.

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Q: There was a train wreck in the middle of nowhere, every one died, no one saw the train wreck, so how did the story about the wreck get out? A:Many philosophers believe that the universe is a figment of its own imagination. Therefore, if "the universe" decided that it wanted the story to get out, it could have just made it so since it is its own imagination.

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The man decides to jump off the bridge and decides to make one last phone call. "Hello, Jane, this is Doug. I just wanted to let you know, from the bottom of my heart, that I love you." Person on the phone says "This is not Jane, this is Joe." "Oh, hi, Joe. Could you just tell your wife what I said. Bye." The man continues to jump down the bridge and swims with his beautiful girlfriend. They all had a great day.

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how many mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 283,000,322,249,390

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How do you know when a ghost is lying? I don't know because I've never met one, so from personal experience I couldn't tell you.

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How do you know if elephants are watching a movie? If a Volkswagen Beetle is parked outside the movie house.

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War horse walks into a bar. The barman says 'why the long film?'

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How do you make a person laugh? Tell a good joke How do you make them cry? Tell a sad story How do you make them cry and laugh at the same time? Tell a bad joke

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Your father must be an alien because he's driving a UFO

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A man comes home to find his wife in bed with another man. He then joins them.

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When life gives you lemons, you throw them at your friends. If they throw them back, duck

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Why did the man walk up to a bank teller with a gun? He is the security guard; he wanted to ask her for financial advice.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have to go to the bathroom.

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Whats worse then a hundred dead babies? One trying to eat its way out.

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Why didn't the busy San Francisco business man hear his alarm clock ring this morning? A nuclear bomb blast occurred 700 meters from his front door. The estimated blast radius was approximately 100 square miles. Naturally, his alarm clock didn't make it.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 was a registered sex offender in five states.

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why was six afraid of seven? because seven raped six's mom.

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Q. Why was the black man sad? A. He had a book nailed into is leg.

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why the chicken cross the road? because he just committed 3rd degree murder and was try'in to commit suicide

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, ask the chicken.

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Why did little Susie Fall in the well? She had downs.

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What do you say to a hamster? 42 and weasels

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Who's there?

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Why does the easter bunny hide his eggs? Because he wants to hide the fact he knocked up a chicken.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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