A man walks into a bar and poops his pants. He left because of the embarrassment.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

what is big, grey and sits in the middle of a field. A filing cabinet

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What do you call a man with a diploma? A high school graduate.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

A sixty Year old man walks into a bank to rob it. He tells the bank teller, "Take the money and put it into a bag!" The teller told him, "Sir I don't have a bag." So the old man turns around and walks out.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

So I was sitting in traffic the other day... And I got run over.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

whats black and large -me

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What did the white man say to the group of black men when there was a golf ball coming at them? Stay there! You are in no immediate danger!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What did the cookie ask the glass of milk? Will you wash me down

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What do u call a man who is smart. A lawyer/ genius/ smart man

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Whats sad about a black man killing himself? That shaft DVD that he rented will probably be late now.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

knock knock who's there peedo peedo who scissors

thumb_up thumb_down -32

How many fingers do most people have? 10

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Knock,knock Who's there? Apple Apple who? Knock,knock Who's there? Apple Apple who? Knock, knock Who's there? Lemon Lemon who? Lemon know if you want me to say apple again

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Much to my surprise, the Hoover Dam was not built by beavers.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Teacher:What is the outer layer of a tree? Dog:Bark. Teacher: What is the square root of 69? Dog:8.30662386

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Two muffins in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says nothing, because muffins cannot talk.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

How do you know if there is a monster under your bed? Monsters are mythical creatures that, even if they were real, would be unlikely to sleep under a child-sized bed.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

So much with being an author... You with the Feds? The CIA?

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Michael Jackson walks into a bar. Everyone runs out, screaming, "AH, a dead guy is walking!"

thumb_up thumb_down -32

why was the little girl crying? she just watched her whole family get murdered.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What do you get when you add a cucumber some vinegar some salt and you get..... Macaroni and cheese

thumb_up thumb_down -32

There is a young boy called Clive, and his dad asks him what he wants for his birthday: "I would like one yellow golf ball please dad" he said. Of course, his father was quite surprised by his son's request, but nevertheless, he got him a yellow golf ball for his birthday. A few years later, clive does amazingly well at school and gets all As in his final exams. Filled with pride and love for his son, his father says to him: "I can't begin to tell you how proud i am of you, Clive. In fact, you can have a preasant! What do you want?" Clive thinks for a moment. "i would like one hundred yellow golf balls please!" His father was a bit annoyed at his strange request, but neverrtheless, gave Clive his yellow golf balls. A few years later, Clive wins the gold medal at the olymics for the 100m sprint. His father is very proud: "Son, i am so happy about the way you've turned out. You make me so proud. Is there anything you want me to do for you?" "can i have 1000 yellow golf balls please" Now his father got annoyed, he thought Clive was taking the piss. Eventually though, he calmed down and got clove the golf balls. Unfortunatley, Clive gets diagnosed with a deadly disease. His father is heartbroken. And as clive is lying on the hospital bed, his father moves close and speaks to him. "Son" he said, tears welling up in his eyes, "I just want to ask you one thing." "Ok," Clive said, as he too started to get emotional. "Why on earth did you want all those golf balls?" Clive looked deep into his father's eyes, as he took his last breath said: "I wanted them because- ack -splutter- ack" And he died.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

what has 4 legs but can't walk? a paralyzed dog

thumb_up thumb_down -34

What's the one good thing about being a paraplegic? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops