An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

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Why did little Jimmy cry when his Rolls Royce got destroyed? Because his parents were in it.

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What do you call a Muslim in control of a plane? A pilot

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What do you get when you cross a surfer and a black man? An angry surfer and an angry black man. You really should be nicer to people.

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What do you call a person who drinks beer a lot? Alcohol abuser.

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You ever hear that joke about Helen Keller? Neither has she.

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Other Guy: What are you looking at? Me: You.

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Do you know whats sad? Global Warming Do you know why the polar bears are dying? Aids

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Q) What's worse than getting dumped by text? A) Getting hit by a fridge.

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Nock Nock Whose there? Your mom. Stop locking your door.

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Why did Tim sit on the chair? Because potato.

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"Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "Me. May I come in?" "Yes, you may."

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Where's my baby??

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Why was 9 afraid of 10 because 10 was a registered sex offender

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How can you tell Santa is racist? He doesn't give Africans presents.

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what tall and looks like a jew?

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What did the apple say to the orange? The apple did not say anything at all because fruits do not possess the ability of speech.

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What did the kid say to the ginger? You're gay.

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what did the frog say to the fence? chicken

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Q: What's so special about my Ferrari? A: It was painted with babies

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what do you call two arabs flying a plane? a pilot and a co-pilot

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What's the only thing more horrible than trash can full of dead babies? A live one at the bottom. What's more horrible than that? He has to eat his way out. What's more horrible than that? He goes back for more. What's more horrible than that? This all took place in my garage while I was watching.

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A guy asks his girl friend to marry him and she says yes, so he buys her a new car - a Lamborghini Countach - she loves this car and she goes everywhere in it. One day, she picks up her kids from school. She's got a boy and a girl. As she's driving down the road, a car pulls up in front of her and they have a really nasty accident and she falls into a coma. When she wakes up from the coma there is a doctor next to her and she quickly asks doctor, "Where is my son? He was really good at football, he could have played for England and been better than Beckham." The doctor replies, "I'm so sorry, in the accident he lost his leg he won't be able to kick a football any more." The woman asks about her daughter. "Doctor, where is my daughter? She was really good at tennis and she could have been the best in the world and won at Wimbledon." The doctor says, "Sorry but in the accident she lost her arms and she won't be able to pick up a racket any more." She begins to cry. "Doctor," asks the woman, "how long have I been in this coma?" The doctor replies, "Six months." "So what's the date?" asks the woman. "April 1st," says the doctor. The woman begins to laugh "So you were joking then, were you?" Doctor: "YES... they had minor breaks and cuts but both have made full recoveries. I'll get them and your fiancé down here straight away." The woman is relieved and is discharged three days later to continue recuperating at home, while the doctor is sent to a tribunal for tricking her into believing her children had been maimed and eventually accepts early retirement with a generous severance package.

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How did the black man start his car? He turned on the emission and lightly leaned his foot on either the accelerator or reverse pedal, depending on the position of the car.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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