Tim: Hey Jennifer, do you wanna hear a joke? Jennifer: Okay Tim: Knock knock Jennifer: Who's there Tim: It's me Tim, you idiot

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What's black, white, black, white, black, white, and red? A horse with it's heard chopped off.

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What happened when the prisoner dropped the soap? He picked it up.

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What's a foot long and slippery, a slipper

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What did the mute man say to the president? Nothing, he is mute

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The family performs an array of disgusting sexual acts. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "It has no name."

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What is big and white and will kill you if it falls from a tree? I don't know. I cant think f anything big and white that fall from trees that can kill you and besides if it is big enough to kill you then you will likely see it and avoid the section of that tree lest the big white object should fall and kill you because of this it is likely that anything that is big and white and falls from trees will in result kill you.

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Want to hear a joke? Me too.

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Why couldn't the dead man take a shit? He was severely constipated

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One day, an Irishman, a Jew and an American were walking home from a long game of golf. "God, that was a long game" said the American, to which the Irishman replied "aye, that it was." The Irishman then turned to the Jew, and asked him how he managed to get two birdies in succession. The Jew, after a moment of deliberation, began to explain. "Well, it all began when I was six. See, there was a mountain right next to Casparia, the village I lived for most of my life back in Wales. Every day, I'd come back from school, and ask my dad why nobody ever attempted to scale the mountain. 'To do so would be an unnecessary risk, son, and people are too busy working to put food and water on the tables for their families to undertake something so foolish.' One night, when insomnia was getting the better of me, I decided to get a better look at the mountain, so I strapped on my boots, my fur coat and some woolly mittens and left for the mountain. After a few hours of walking, I approached the closest hill which gave me a perfect view of the mountain's first peak, and there I spotted a polar bear, mauling a hiker to death." The Jew paused to check the Irishman and the American were following, when the American spoke up; "hold on there, there aren't any polar bears in Casparia!" The Irishman also spoke up; "there isn't even a village called Casparia, well, anywhere!" The Jew smiled slightly, and a few seconds later the smile broke out into a gigantic grin, and he finally replied: "exactly".

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How do you change you dishwasher into a snowblower? Give her a shovel.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile? Get in the Batmobile.

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What is worse than standing on a plug? finding out your family have all been killen in a horrible car crash and your neighbours daughter who happens to be your friend has cancer.

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What did the man say to the man with no head? You have no head

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Why did the Mexican cross the road? The light was green.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chicken brains are not as large or developed as human brains, therefore preventing the chicken from making a logical decision, leading to it crossing a road with heavy traffic and eventually being run over by a semi.

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Why was the woman in the kitchen? Because she is enjoying the meal her husband has prepared for her after a long day at her second full-time job of the day

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A man walks into a bar. There were no survivors.

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How can you make a little boy tell the truth? Threaten to murder his family.

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Why did Timmy pass his chemistry exam? Because he studied.

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what did the kid with no head get for his birthday? A coffin.

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What do you call an iphone in a puddle? Broken

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why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side. wow i missed the entire purpose of this.

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so i was F***in this guy the other day with my penis.....shit! i mean i was F***in this girl and i jizzed

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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