Whats worse than a pile of dead baby's? Being raped by a giant scorpion. Well that escalated quickly. Also i'm gonna call the cops.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Breaydn Simmons walked into a bar

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did little Billy fall off his bike? Anwser: because a refridgator hit him.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Q: How do you get a giraffe into a refrigerator? A: You open the door put the giraffe in and the close the door. Q: How do you get an elephant into a refrigerator? A: You open the door to the refrigerator take the giraffe out then put the elephant in and close the door. Q: The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend but one, which one is it? A: The elephant it's in the fridge Q: You have to cross a river that is inhabited by crocodiles how do you cross it? A: You swim across, the crocodiles are at the animal conference.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the retarded asian dolphin eat for breakfast? A big bowl of shit

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Dude 1: Hey, ya see these coins here? Dude 2: ya, what about em'? Dude 1: would you say you see these pretty often? Dude 2: yup... :/ Dude 1: so would you call them COMMON CENTS!?!?!?!?!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A man works at a brick factory. He is told by his boss that if he is to steal any brick from the factory, he will be sacked. But every day the man steals one brick and puts it in his lunch box to take home and is not caught. One day he has enough bricks to build a house, and he says "When I build this house there will be none left over". The house is now built and while the man is taking a look around he stubs his toe on something, he looks down to see a brick and he sighs, picks up the brick and throws it in the air. There are two pilots driving a plane, one has a dog and one has a wardrobe. One pilot says to the other "I don't particularly like dogs" then the other pilot says to him "I don't really like wardrobes". They then make an agreement and throw both the wardrobe and the dog out the window. Five minutes later one pilot looks out the window out onto the plane wing, and guess what he sees? A brick.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How many average men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

[Insert dumb, last minute anti-joke here]

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Q. What did the atheist ask the pregnant woman? A. You gonna eat that?

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's worse than being a ginger? Being a soulless ginger

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's the difference between Hitler and Stalin? Nothing because pineapples aren't vegetables.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

two scientists walk into a bar. one says, "i want h2o." the other says, "i want h2o too." the bartender gives them both water and nobody dies because he is not irresponsible enough to give someone concentrated hydrogen peroxide as a drink.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A Polish man is walking down the street carrying a brown paper bag. He runs into one of his buddies, who asks, "Hey! What's in the bag?" The man tells his friend that he has some fish in the bag. His friend says, "Well, I'll make you a bet. If I can guess how many fish you have in the bag, you'll have to give me one." The man replies, "I'm sorry, my friend, but gambling is against my morals, especially when my family's only nutrition for the week is on the line."

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How do you kill a blonde? Cut off the bloodflow to their vital organs.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A blind man walks into a bar. I mean a fence.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7? A: Cus 7 had AIDS and it was bleeding all over the place!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone dropped a refrigerator on her. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Whats the worst part of your school burning down? A: The burnt pizza.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's the difference between a car and a sack of dead babies? I don't keep a car in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Tiger Woods isn't a Tiger, He's a lion cheeta.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops