What do you call a 30 year old man with a large white van full of kids? A parent carpooling to the soccer game.

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IF YOU ARE A GUY: Think about a really hot girl. She has the perfect chest, amazing face, blonde hair, and looks flat out stunning. She takes off her shirt which is very appealing and causes for you to get excited because you might get lucky. She takes off her pants, or skirt depending on the choice that you decided upon when imagining this girl, and is walking towards you in nothing but a bra and panties. She continues to take off her bra and gets on top of you. You passionately kiss and afterwords she whispers in your ear, "are you ready for some of this?" you nod your head and she proceeds to remove her panties. Let's freeze this situation for a moment. Assuming that you would ever be in a situation like that there has to be a catch right? A hidden camera, her husband comes home, a rabbid zombie crashes through the door...something. I am happy to tell you that there are no worries about this because nothing will stop you from making sweet and beautiful love to this woman. So let's get back to the scenario. You not your head and quickly tear off your clothes and begin exploring her body. Now turn her 64 and give her a penis with an amazing amount of pubic hair, make her fat, and submit to this manlady. You ask how this happened? Earlier that evening you took a particularly large amound of LSD, or acid if you prefer, and began tripping out. You began seeing ugly people as hot people, and hot people as ugly people. Your friends were concerned because you were hitting on a tree and started humping it at which you were removed from the party by your date who just so happened to be a fat and ugly hermaphrodite who repeatedly raped you and made you cry in submition to her kinky tactics. Drugs are bad, but they make for interesting stories for your friends to tell their children when they get older at your expense.

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Why did the girl get her hair cut off? Because she had cancer

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why didnt the chicken cross the road? It was getting tired of the jokes

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A hermaphrodite walks into a bakery, orders an eclair, then leaves.

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How many chairs does it take to screw a lightbulb? One, if you have enough lube.

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E= McVagina

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How do you trap a squirrel? You carefully set up a trap and place acorns in the trap.

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What Do You Call Black People Skydiving? A fun time.

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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb? It would probably be the court janitor who was responsible for that job, rather than the lawyers.

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If Jim lives in north carolina, what does that make his dad's brother? Black

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Pitbull is Mr. Worldwide because his music sucks everywhere in the world

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How do you make a basketball team short You cut off their legs

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your momma is so dumb.. ... because she was a slacker in high school but then turned her life around and is now a respected member of society

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A man laughs creepily and another man asks him what he's doing he says I have a creepy laugh so the man asks him why he was laughing the man says there's a boy over there that has a frog stapled to his face!!!!!!!!!

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Why are black people so good at basketball because they can jump shoot and steel

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What's black can run really fast and jump really high? A panther

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Doctor, I am afraid of getting sexually abused. Hmm, sounds serious, take off all your clothes so we can get a proper look.

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i was driving home after work but i had to stop because an old lady wanted to cross the road..... the old lady was abused by her father as a child, and had Alzheimer's

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Why did the downtown New York worker never make it home? An airplane crashed into his office.

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Q. Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? A. being physically disabled due to a preventable accident, thus leaving you incapable of doing activities that are easily completed by an able-bodied person

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a bumble bee walked into a bar, looking tired and worn out. 'long day, eh?' said the barman. 'yes' replied the bee. 'i was flying along to collect some honey when i noticed a large obstical obstructing me. i stuck my pointy needle in it, and according to legend, i will die in short hours to come' suddenly michael jacksons thriller flicked on in the jukebox, the bumble bee boogied all night long until he slowly passes away in the early hours of the morning. long live boogie bee.

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Why did the astronaut drop his toolbox? Because he ran out of air.

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charlie sheen losing

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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