My heart is in my hands. Or maybe it's yours. Either way it's mine now. You won't need it anymore.

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7

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whats wors than getting hit by a car? getting raped by a giant scorpian

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A cannibal went for a walk and he passed his brother.

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<3 ... it looks more like scissors than a heart...

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Explain the term 'Standard of Living'? Not having sex with diseased and obese women.

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Q: Who lives in a pinaple under the sea? A: Garry

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A Jewish person was found dead in an alley way last night, Hitler did nothing wrong.

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Why did the little boy cry? I cut off his toes one by one and shoved fireworks up his ass

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A guy walks in to a bar, waving a gun around. He acidentally shoots himself in the foot He died from the bloodloss.

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Sorry not thinking here, of course I will arrive sooner, give me 20 minutes or so (got to scout the area, you never know) As for coding, there is no hidden meaning so yeah... That is probably some "Neronist" coding format I never knew of I am using so well. Cant drive like this, so I will use a cab and wait for you at the back seat or something, I will let the Taxi cab honk the numbers of code here so you can come out knowing its safe. I sincerely thought you where at the home, according to our coordinates you are... Dont tell me that bastard built some basement over there, wow! I really miss him now, if nothing else because I would have liked a wine cellar made in less than... Sorry, ill be there asap, 20 minutes or less, nah, believe me, "fancy" is the least of things I want, and I wont be changing my mind anytime soon. See ya. I am sincerely surprised you even remember me, then again I look a lot like your crush. Abel (in case you where wondering, this is not my name either, but you get the picture by now)

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Q: Why did the kid drop his icecream cone? A: Because he couldn't hold it he lost his arms in a car accident.

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What is matt dalys favorite thing in the world? penis

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Why do black people eat watermelon? Because it taste good.

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Q. How are a bird and a turtle alike? A. They both fly. Except the turtle.

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Where did the people go after the bomb went off? EVERYWHERE!!!

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What do you call a dragon with no wings? A komodo dragon

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It's fun for you and me, that's why they call it OCD It's easy as 1..2.... Hey look a butterfly!

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Why did the football coach go to the bank? To make a deposit.

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you know what rhymes with sloth. rape

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Dad, why are we Swedish? Because antilopes and the butterfly effect son.

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What's the difference between a vegetable and my son? Nothing

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Your mom is so fat, she got obese and died.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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