What dog keeps the best time? All dogs will keep reasonably good time as far as their care is concerned, if they have a stable home routine.

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Why did the man die? He got shot!

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A man walks into a bar and asks for a shot. The bartender says ok, then hands him a pistol, then the man shoots the bartender and kills him.

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A young Asian boy got a B on his test. He went home an showed his parents even though he was nervous of their reaction. They told him that a B was a good grade and put it on the fridge. After that he began to gradually flunk each class one by one because of his parent's inability to push him to be better. He is now homeless and an alcoholic.

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Why was O.J acquitted for murder? A jury of his peers deliberated for many days and found there was not sufficient evidence for his conviction.

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What did the catholic priest say to the naked boy where are your clothes?

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What's the difference between jam and jelly? Jam is slightly more viscous and may contain bits of fruit.

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Knock knock Who's there? Boo Boo who? It's just a joke you don't have to cry about it

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They say that laughter is the key to a long life. What's the key to a short life? Death.

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What is worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Getting raped by a giant scorpion

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what did the apathetic person say? Who Cares?

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Whats worse than an offended chicken walking around with a squirrel stapled to its back? A crusty old man with hepatitis peeing on 10 babies.

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Where do cows go for entertainment? Nowhere, most are slaughtered, processed, and eaten by humans.

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What did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede. (do you get it cause the robot has no arms)

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How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? None.

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Q: A Blonde and a Brunette fall of a building which one hits the ground first? A: The Brunette because she ways 200 pounds and the Blonde weighs 100.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because people have encroached on it's natural habitat.

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Why didn't Jimmy go to school? Because Jimmy is a brick wall.

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Q: what do you call a camel with a garbage bag on its head? A: A ziploc baggie

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rosses are red voilets are pinkey your mams pussy is really stinky

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"Hey, why won't you let me through?" "These tickets are fake." "No they aren't. LOOK OVER THERE!" The guard turns around, and then turns back. Minorly inconvenienced, he arrests the man immediately, upon which he is sent to jail and anally raped multiple times.

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there are some things i dont get. Quantum Physics is one of them.

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A man claims to own a talking dog. A skeptic approaches the man and his dog and asks for a demonstration. The man asks his dog, "How does sandpaper feel?" The dog says, "Ruff!" The skeptic is not convinced. The man then asks his dog, "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time?" The dog, who like all dogs cannot fully comprehend human speech, proceeds to lick his balls.

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i shouldnt be on this cause im in class

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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