the teacher enters the room she sits in her chair and yells, "i am your substitute teacher. get out your books and write me a story."

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Your momma's so fat she has a hard time finding clothes to fit

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What did the muslim do at the airport? He bought a ticket to New York and proceeded to fly there to mourn his brother who was killed during the terrorist attacks on 9/11.

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There's a blind man walking on the south coast of England. He walks off a cliff.

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was DEAD! But why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was stapled to the first monkey... But then why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? P-p-p-p-eer pressure

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A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money, I forgot what happens right but it wasn't that funny anyway

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How does Hitler tie his shoes? with little Nazis!

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Whats worse then sneezing on someone? sneeze on someone and find out

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A blind man walked into a bar. Quite literally.

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Why did the chiken cross the road? It didn't, J-walking is against the law.

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Johnny fell out of the window. Except he didn't fall I pushed him

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What do you get when you combine lemons, sugar and water? Lemons, sugar, and water

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What happened when a Black man ran into a white supremacist? They exchanged insurance information

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99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer, take one down pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall. 10 minutes into the song one man succumbs to alcohol poisoning.

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It's not ok to have intercourse with a woman who say's "No!" But what about "Let go of me!"?

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The song Barbra Streisand has more than 2 words.

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Why is it unpleasant to eat a meal with lots of basketball players? Because they will be focussing entirely on discussing tactics (especially if there is an upcoming game), and therefore will probably not be displaying good manners or making polite mealtime conversation.

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Why did it take Da Vinci so long to paint the Sistine Chapel? Because it was painted by Michelangelo.

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A wanted man walks into a bar. The police come and take him to jail.

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How many light bulbs? 1

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Why was the black man arrested? He was tried and convicted in a court of law for being an accessory to murder.

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What did the little boy say to his cat? Masturbate on my moms corpse.

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Why couldn't the kitten drink its milk? Because its owner was neglecting him and the kitten later died of malnurisment

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Do you know why one side of the V formation that geese fly in is longer than the other? Because there's more geese on that side.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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