Two men and a woman go to lunch together at a restaurant in New York City. The first man says, "I'm glad that we're finally doing this." The second man says, "Yeah, me too." The woman concurs.

Yo mama's so fat, she died of a mixture of obesity and type 1 diabetes.

The President, The Pope, and a small child are all in an airplane when the pilot announces that the plane is going to crash. They crash into the ocean and quickly remember that there is a life vest under their seats, which they promptly put on and safely inflate after exiting the cabin of the aircraft by pulling down on one or both of the red tabs.

Q: How do you make an onion cry? A: You can't, it's an onion.

There was 2 friends named Shutup and Trouble. They were camping and Trouble got lost in the woods. Shutup called the police. Shutup: Hello, is this 9-1-1 my friend is missing. Police: What is your name sir? Shutup: Shut up Police: What? Shutup: Shut up Police: What did you say? Shutup: I said Shut Up Police: Hey are you looking for TROUBLE? Shutup: Yes! Police: Guess what? We found him, he's safe in the station. We will have a officer come by a drop him off. Have a good day Mr. Shutup Shutup: Thank you

So, Ryan Dunn was driving under the influence of alcohol. The result of this action proved to be fatal for both Ryan and his passenger; who happened to be his close and personal friend.

What's the difference between a panda and a baby? I don't have a baby in my freezer

What happened when the boy stood up? He had all his limbs hacked off and soon after died.

Why did Bill correct Matt when he called him Jim? Because that wasn't his name.

I recently sent 10 puns to a joke website, hoping that one of them would win a competition. Unfortunately, they were deemed offensive.

How did the old man die? He was shot after eating a rather large watermelon while skydiving out of a helicopter, boob fighting 5 toddlers.

Why did the guy go to the store? He really doesn't want you to know every detail of his life.

What did Bob say at Fred's house? "I know where Fred lives."

My friend was waving a stick around and yelling out spells, so walked up to him and asked "You want to be Harry Potter, don't you?" He replied excitedly "Yeah!!" So i killed his parents and locked him under the stairs.

Why did the little kid drop his ice cream? ...... Because he was startled by the pedophiles penis being shoved up his ass.

You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't divide by zero.

How did the black man burn down the house. He threw a flaming match through the window.

what's the difference between a pound of liver and vomit? £3.24

What's worse than being dead? Nothing.

An Anthony eats a juicy pickle.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the dead one.

A jewish man walks into a bar has a drink, then walks out of the bar.

Why did the chicken cross the road? It had gotten out of its coop.

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly. But everything turned out alright, as the fly was dissolved by stomach acid.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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