whats the fastest way to be murdered tell your wife your cheating on her

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A man serves his wife dinner. She laughes and tells him it tastes funny. He then procedes to tell her that is because he put large amounts of poision into the food.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What did the apple say to the other apple? Nothing, apples are fruits and cannot talk

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A man walks into a bar and asks for 6 vodka shots. The bartender looks at him in a strange manner. The man quickly downs all 6 of the vodka shots. The bartender looks at the man and says "Jeepers mate, whats the celebration?" The man replies "Well mate, first blow job today" The bartender in a kind gesture says "Here you go mate, next one is one me" while pouring another shot. The man respectfully replies, "No thanks mate, if 6 didn't get the taste away, im sure 7 won't"

thumb_up thumb_down -14

2 men walk into a bar without thier shirts. They get kicked out. 2 women walk into a bar without thier shirts They got beaten almost to death Why? The men dressed up as women, and every hated them so much they beat the almost to death when 2 cops walk into that bar, see the men dressed up as women and they too beat them. Little do they all know that the men disguised as women are really secret goverment agents looking into a drug deal. The drug dealers got away and now we have 2 people sueing the police department and drugs on the street again. Oh yeah I almost forgot: I made this up so if you read it you're going to die withing the next 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 years. I gurantee it. If you dont the men in white coats are going to do extremely painful tests on you and you just might die so then no one will care and maybe get onto thier lives again. Why did I right this? It hasnt happened to me so I dont know If you tell me I will give you something more valueble than gold. Want to know what it is? TELL ME FIRST!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What do you call a big house full of dead people? My family

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What would you call the flinstones if they were black? Ni**gers

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why did the chicken cross the road? It is not a sentient animal and is unaware of the dangers it will face.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why is Short Circuit the best movie ever made? Because it tastes like lemons

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Sidney Crosby walks into a bar. Except its a metal bar like a pole so he gets another concussion.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What do a Fascist and a Democrat both have in common? Involvement in politics.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why were the black mans hands all sticky? He was helping orphans with arts and crafts

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A blonde walks into a bar. She says ow

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What's worse than getting full-blown AIDS? Finding a half-eaten worm in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

I SWEAR TO GOD I'M NOT GAY! But my boyfriend is. Love you, Jeff.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

what's bloody and sweet? A squashed mosquito sprinkled with sugar.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why is the spine-tailed swift is the fastest bird? Because its faster than the second fastest bird

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A cat walks into a bar, the bartender says "pussy?"

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What did one cake say to the other? You wanna piece of me?!?

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why is it hard to see a black man in the night? Because its dark out, and he's BLACK.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Liverpool City Football Club

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Still Carrying Heavy Pet Food? That sucks

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why couldn't the chicken cross the road? There was no cross walk.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Q: What did the hooker say to the priest? A: That was a wonderful sermon. I look forward to next Sunday's church service.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops