What's oily and smells like smegma? Kevin Crummy

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What do you call a dear with no eyes? A no-idear

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How do you write an anti-joke? With the keyboard Or voice recognition software

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Why did the cat scratch the person? Because it's mean.

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The police shouldn't have cars. They should use skateboards and use flowers as their gun. When they catch a criminal in the act, they have to hug him before sending him to prison

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Did you know? that if you were to stretch out all your organs to see how far theyd stretch? youd die.

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I DO NOT CARE ABOUT NOVA! MY NAME IS VIKTOR REZNOV! AND I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? "Where's my tractor?"

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What is Hellen Keller's favorite TV show? She doesn't have one - She is blind and deaf.

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What's worse than seeing Helen Keller behind the wheel of a car? Being run over by Helen Keller.

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Q.Why was the fat man sweeting A. Because he just ran and his body is trying to maintain thermal equilibrium

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what is the difference betweeb 69 and 77? 8

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Why didn't the jew spend his paycheck? He wanted to save money for the future

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What did the lady say after she returned home from the grocery store? "Oh no! I forgot the milk!"

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What do call something that looks exactly like a turtle but is not a turtle? A picture of a turtle

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Your mom is so fat that her every day life if a struggle and she has to get gastric bypass surgery or else she is going to die

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Whats the definition of not winning? Charlie sheen losing custody of his son because he is a coked out, old man douche bag, who only gets told what he wants to hear because he forks out lots of money to gold digging hookers.

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A man walks into a bar with an MP5 and proceeds to fire thirteen bullets into a crowd of people, several unarmed bystanders attempt to disarm the gunman but they are promptly ordered to stay back or they too would be fired on, a witness reports gunfire coming from down the street to local emergency services and they arrive quickly, organising a perimeter around the bar, county sherriffs decide it would be safest to wait for a swat team, as reports indicated the gunman may have hostages, however the gunfire appears to have ceased an noone has entered or exited the building since police arrived on scene. As SWAT arrives on scene and media helicopters circle above, a person emerges from the bar and the gunman appears behind him, he shoots and kills the hostage and then turns the gun on himself, the death toll reached sixteen including the gunman and as many as fourteen people were injured. there was no clear motive to the massacre, but a search of his appartment indicated he was tired of one-liners on typical joke sites and felt his wife's betrayal with his best friend was too much to bare and he simply snapped after losing his job in the current economic situation.

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A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Put it on my bill."

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Three men walk in to a bar, One ducked

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Q.Why did Bruno Mars marry the blond? A.Because it was a beautiful night and he was looking for something DUMB to do.

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A Jew, a Christian, and a Muslim walk into a bar. A good time was had by all, until closing time.

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Your mother is so fat because she inherited poor genes and dietary habits from her own parents.

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What do call a fly with no legs? Dead

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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